- Since it's difficult to infer tone in an email, you should assume all mine are sarcastic or bitchy.

Here's your new email signature.

With human resources constantly going on about their silly rules concerning "etiquette" and "proper workplace discourse" and "not making overt threats of violence to your cubicle-mate," it can be hard to let your coworkers know just how big a part they play in your daily misery. These cards can help you get your point across as passive-aggressively as possible. You can just print them out and hang them in your cube to send a general message to anyone with eyes. Or, click on any card to share on the Facebook and Twitter accounts you know your coworkers follow. You can even send them to your targeted coworker from an anonymous someecards account. They'll know, but they'll never really know.

Advertising - I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.

Great for an employee self-evaluation. - Your name still comes up at work whenever something goes horribly wrong and we don't want to take the blame

For the person the scapegoat who finally got fired. - Your office workouts are starting to freak people out

What's with people sitting on bouncy balls? You're not a child, get a chair. - I'm sorry I was 30 minutes late to the job in which I already work ungodly amounts of unpaid overtime.

Best to not waste time better spent on work by sending this non-apology. - I'll always think of you as a convenient source of free candy

"Except when you inconvenience me by speaking." - We know that you've been stealing medium-sized binder clips

Those things are worth their weight in gold. - The mountain of paperwork on my desk makes me envy the trees that died to produce it.

Environmentally friendly complaining. - You just committed up to seven human resources violations in one sentence

If seven is a record, it's one we break routinely. - Let's carelessly gossip about someone who's within earshot

Voices carry surprsingly well over the tops of cubicles. - Rest assured while you're on vacation that I'm fully planning on dropping the ball.

Always good to let people know your plans. - My sadness at your leaving the company is tempered by my excitement at taking your chair and computer speakers

For that one person with functioning computer speakers in your office. - I'd be happy to teach you how to live on a shitty salary

Tip: wash down cheap, shitty food with cheap, shitty beer.