5. Anyone in the Midwest. If you never really liked your minor appendages, you're in luck, because the weather out there is frost-bitingly frightful. Obviously, the folks in the Midwest are bearing the brunt of this week's polar vortex. But those of us here in the Northeast actually have it much worse. Every time we complain about how cold it is, someone's going to say: "At least you're not in Minnesota." Shut up, someone! It's not our fault people think the Midwest is a habitable part of the country. Don't worry, I'll be doing my part by continuing to loudly complain about the weather in New York. —SRD