5 people having a worse Monday than you.

5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Advertising

//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/5277e36d0d52f.jpg

(Getty)

5. Justin Bieber. The Biebs may be having a shitty week, but as a result, he's made our week so much better. Photos emerged this weekend of J.B. exiting a brothel in Rio de Janeiro, in the very subtle disguise of a sheet over his head (ironically, a position many of us take when we hear a song by him). Unfortunately for Justin, the sheet couldn't cover all of his artful and meaningful wrist tattoos, so we're pretty sure it was him. Setting aside the fact that if he was Miley Cyrus, everyone would be extremely concerned about all the sex (I'll save that topic for my women's studies thesis), it's a little sad the Biebster couldn't find any fans to pay to sleep with him and had to resort to this. Come on, gals. Apparently, his penis is quite medium-sized! —SRD

 

//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/5277e706a1a79.jpg

(via Wikipedia)

4. A college student who was stuck in between two buildings for two days. NYU student Asher Vongtau has revealed that college is actually almost nothing like Felicity. Apparently, it's less working in coffee shops and speaking in hushed tones and more being trapped between two buildings after falling out of fifth story windows. It's not entirely clear why the 19-year-old fell and got wedged between the buildings, but I can think of a few nights in college that definitely could have ended this way. After nearly 48 hours, Asher was discovered and a hole was cut in the wall, freeing him. He's now in fair condition, and has by far the best wild-college-days story of all time. —SRD

Advertising

 

//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/5277f0955dfe6.jpg

(via Wikipedia and BuzzFeed)

3. Rand Paul, who has been caught plagiarizing left and right, or as his namesake Ayn Rand would call it, "being a lazy parasite." Rand Paul has worked really hard to be known as an ideas guy within his party and within the Tea Party faction in particular (although the Pauls have always been a faction unto themselves). That's going to be a bit harder now that several articles have been published showing that Rand lifted whole segments of a speech from the Wikipedia entry for the movie Gattaca (yeah), and returned to the Wikipedia fountain again to borrow text from the article on the film Stand and Deliver (you couldn't even steal from the Wikipedia article on a book, at least?). But hey, speeches are written quickly and not always by the politician himself. It's not like he published a book or anything. Except that he did, and a staggering three straight pages were copied directly from a Heritage Foundation report (the purple part of the image above is copied word for word). There was a footnote leading to a small entry citing the Heritage Foundation, but A.) nowhere did the citation hint that it had been copied verbatim and B.) all of my college papers had citations and I'm pretty sure I'd still get kicked out of school for lifting three straight pages of material. —JMC

Advertising

 

//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/5277e5cece589.jpg

(Getty)

2. Nazis. Rough day for fans of the Aryan race, folks. Approximately $1 billion worth of paintings—by Matisse, Chagall, Picasso, and others—were confiscated from a Munich apartment. These nearly 1500 artworks were stolen by the Nazis from Jewish art collectors decades ago and declared "degenerate." They were supposed to be destroyed, but an art collector saved them and passed them down to his son. They were only discovered in 2011 (the story has just become public now) because of an investigation into tax evasion. Not only did these paintings not get destroyed, but now everyone's going to be extra excited to see them because of the fascinating backstory. Sorry, Nazis. Degeneracy, here we come! —SRD

Advertising

 

//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/5277e4e51a745.jpg

(via Instagram)

1. This woman who made the mistake of dressing as a Boston bombing victim for Halloween. Alicia Ann Lynch is super-dumb. She's dumb when it comes to picking out topically tragic Halloween costumes. But that's nothing compared to her "what should I post on the Internet" decision-making skills. After Tweeting and Instagramming this pic of her costume, which she wore to work at what will surely be the last "costume day" that office ever has, the Internet hastily lost its shit. Outraged sleuths quickly found Lynch's home address in an old pic of her drivers license that she had posted online!!! They also located nude pics and videos of Lynch that she also wanted the world to see at some point or other. So Lynch (and her parents) spent the weekend receiving death threats, because of course being an idiot and wearing an insensitive costume merits being murdered. She also got fired from her job, watched nudes of herself go viral, and has spent most of her waking hours apologizing and begging people to stop calling her parents and telling them they're going to be killed tonight. Hey gang, quick idea! Maybe it's time we distinguished between people on the Internet who want to express outrage at someone being insensitive, and people on the Internet who just think it's fun to destroy somebody. —BP

Advertising