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5. Maria Shriver, because Miley Cyrus is dating her son.


(via Instagram)

All of us are a little overwhelmed by the news that Miley Cyrus is dating Arnold Schwarzenegger's son, Patrick. But most of us are just grossed out by their long, public make-out sessions. Only Maria Shriver feels the acute distress of a mother whose son is dating a woman best known for posting photographs of herself with penises of various shapes and sizes on Instagram. According to HollywoodLife.com, Shriver is "very, very worried" about her son's taste in women. "The birthday party with all the penis pictures disgusted her," said a source, referring to Miley's 22nd birthday bash. Hey, what was she supposed to have—hearts and stars and Barbie dolls? Miley is 22—a grown-up!—and a penis party is what she understands grown-ups to do.