5. The forgotten female British tennis player who won Wimbledon in 1977. Everyone is reporting that the racquet-wielding Scot known as Andy Murray (or the Englishman known as Andy Murray if you read the New York Times) has become the first UK tennis player to win the premier UK tennis tournament, Wimbledon, in 77 years. Except, of course, for Sarah Virginia Wade, who won the women's singles championship 1977 but doesn't count because of her boobs. She also did it on Wimbledon's 100th year. She also won two other Majors singles tournaments and four doubles championships. Andy Murray, on the other hand, looks like the guy Mark Zuckerberg forces out of Facebook in The Social Network.
4. Johnny Depp. The Lone Ranger didn't open all that well, even though the 4th of July falling on a Thursday made the holiday weekend last for about two months. Not only did the movie barely manage to earn back its publicity budget, but it effectively killed the chance of Johnny Depp and Armie "Once A Winklevoss, Always A Winklevoss" Hammer being the Riggs and Murtaugh of the new millennium. Top it all off with everyone calling out Depp for being a white guy playing a Native American character, effectively ordering him to only pancake himself in his cherished white makeup for imaginary characters under the direction of Tim Burton, and he's probably regretting not just going ahead and doing Pirates 5.
3. Conservative Costa Rican lawmakers who got tricked into legalizing gay civil unions. Much to the dismay of conservatives, Costa Rican president Laura Chinchilla has decided not to veto a controversial piece of legislation that would legalize gay civil unions. The language in the bill, which would define marriage as between a man and woman, was changed at the last minute by a liberal lawmaker, who added the phrase "the right to recognition without discrimination contrary to human dignity." No one noticed because who has time to read these things when there's so much ziplining to do in Costa Rica? So the bill passed.
2. A flight attendant whose coworkers insist she travels with her pet rat. Louann Giambattista, a Long Island-based American Airlines flight attendant, is suing the airline after her coworkers made allegations that she was sneaking her pet rat onto flights in her underwear. Giambattista was blacklisted by customs and threatened with strip searches when she went to work until, she claims, she developed PTSD. The unhappy lady admits she's an animal lover and once owned a rat (who died), but she denies ever bringing a rat onboard (and indeed, none was ever found). Frankly, even if she did bring a rat on a plane, it's this week's cutest story in air travel.
1. Everyone who's only halfway through summer and has already blown all their vacation time. Last week was awesome, right? There was all this build-up to it, and then the fireworks and the beer and the camping—it was all exactly what you needed! Well, now it's over. And it's only July 8. So welcome to the rest of your summer, spent alternately freezing at your desk or sweating the second you step outside. You blew it. Good luck making it to Thanksgiving.