5 people having a worse Monday than you.

5 people having a worse Monday than you.
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5. This random guy who popped up behind Neil Patrick Harris last night and clearly wasn't supposed to be there. Did you watch the Emmys last night? This unidentified guy's shuffle offstage from behind NPH during a live promotional bit may have been one of the night's lightest moments. I'm assuming that guy is dead now and will be included in next year's In Memoriam segment, which will be the entire show. —SRD

 

5 people having a worse Monday than you.

4. Any TV star still alive right now, who will definitely be dead by next year, if last night's Emmys were any indication of how many TV stars die every year. In addition to the normal In Memoriam segment, this year's Emmys included heartfelt tributes to some of the biggest stars who passed away this year. While the speeches were moving, they were also kind of a downer, especially since they popped up almost every other segment. Then the Emmys had to really lay it on thick with its tribute to the saddest moments in television history. If you haven't thought about JFK Jr. saluting his father's casket today, they would like you to think about it. Did you forget that John Lennon's dead? This might be a good time to be depressed by Carrie Underwood butchering his music. Television hasn't been this crushing since season 4 of The Wire. —SRD

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5 people having a worse Monday than you.

3. Everyone who knows one of the 9 million people to buy a new iPhone this weekend. It's one thing to buy the latest Apple gadget eventually, but it's another to rush right out and buy it the first weekend it's available. Do you guys want Apple to think you've got nothing else going on? It's frankly embarrassing that a record-breaking number of people bought the new 5s and 5c this weekend. It's like picking up on the first ring when someone calls you and immediately announcing you're answering from your new iPhone 5s. But iPhone lovers are completely unashamed of themselves, and worse, they really want to talk about their new phones. That's why I'm screening all the calls coming in to my new iPhone. —SRD

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5 people having a worse Monday than you.

2. Arizona Cardinals safety Rashad Johnson, who casually lost a finger yesterday. This tweet from Arizona sports commentator @KentSomers pretty much tells the entire story (except it turned out to be the left hand): "S rashad Johnson lost top of right middle finger Sunday. Took glove off and finger was still in". You know, just like how sometimes your finger breaks off and you don't realize until you take your glove off. Normal. Here are some other facts you should know: it probably (remember, he didn't notice) occurred on an attempted tackle during a punt return, they did not re-attach the finger, and doctors shaved the tip down to the first knuckle. How was your weekend? —JMC

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5 people having a worse Monday than you.

1. Anyone using Zoosk, since one of the dating site's founding engineers ended up finding love on OkCupid. Online dating pretty much sucks, but it can be an effective way to find a mate, especially if you're using a much better site than the one you helped create. According to his girlfriend's dating blog, Jeff Knight, a "founding engineer" and current "Director of Client Applications" at Zoosk, actually met his partner on OkCupid. While their story is pretty sweet in an Internet-y sort of way, it's also a little embarrassing for Zoosk (maybe now Zoosk knows how it feels to online date). On the plus side, if you've been unlucky in love on Zoosk, feel free to blame it on the site's software! It's definitely not your abrasive personality and marginal looks. —SRD

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