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5. Anyone who doesn't care about football. There's an old adage about talking about sports: you can ask "who's winning?" "What's the score?" "What quarter/half/inning is it?" but not "Who's playing?" This marks you as a weak "book-lovin' sissy boy" or "girl" in the eyes of the nation's overweight, alcoholic fans of steroidal, concussed athletes. Every fall, though, there's one question that's worse than all the others: "Oh, are they playing football now?" It's like (real) Groundhog Day, except you're Punxsutawney Phil, and whether you screw up determines if you get ripped on by friends for 6 weeks or 6 months. Our recommendation is to watch The League and just quote it as if you're using words you actually know.JMC