This amazing disciplinary notice comes via redditor spacin_out80, who summed it up with the title "My coworker just became in charge for the day, I think it has gone to his head." In all fairness, this coworker seems like a pretty awesome dude who's only pretending to be a tyrannical dictator, but it's a healthy reminder that power corrupts, and sometimes even tiny amounts of power corrupts absolutely.
In fact, all it really takes is the admin password, the big chain with keys to everything, or the ability to approve time off. That's generally enough power. Anyway, here's the humorous version of how putting a coworker in charge can backfire (transcript below):
The letter reads:
Through your actions, you have disgraced the Company (B2E), your coworkers, your family, the clients, and least importantly, yourself. This needs to stop, but there is little hope of changing your behavior. Like a record stuck on repeat, your mistakes continue and continue and continue, echoing emptily throughout the hallway of your career. May God have mercy on your soul. Again.
You have been written up for (check one or both):
[x] Being a Smart-ass
[ ] General Fuck-up
Specifics: Obscene gestures toward me
I __________________ will try to stop sucking. If I put half as much effort into that as I do into being an office jackass, I may be successful. If I exert the minimal amount of effort required to pull my head out of my ass and get in the fucking game, then I may not be a profound disappointment to those around me who have the displeasure of calling me a "coworker." I am not a child but rather an adult and will thus try to defy expectations by acting in a manner which exhibits professionalism, not moronic incompetency.
Now what are the odds that this coworker gets a much more normal-sounding letter from HR the next day?