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5. Non-Royal Babies - Buckingham Palace announced today that Kate Middleton is the British equivalent of knocked up (knickered up?), which means the stodgy old English monarchy is about to welcome a new generation of rich, self-entitled a**hole. The fetus is currently gestating in the royal womb, blissfully unaware of the life of boring ceremonies, drab clothes, and stupid paparazzi nicknames that await him. On the bright side, his hair has barely started thinning.

Sources: Chase Mitchell