5. Michael Phelps - After two events, America's favorite half-dolphin Subway spokesman remains gold-medalless in London, which marks the first time we've ever been surprised that a pot-smoking, fast-food-eating 27-year-old failed at something. Sure, he'll probably still break the all-time medal record and lead a long, happy life of pride and fulfillment the likes of which we can't even imagine, but today, he's kind of a loser.