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5. Rick Santorum - The failed presidential candidate and four-time Homophobe of the Year spoke at the Value Voters Summit last week — a gathering so conservative it makes the RNC look like a gay rave in the basement of a 24-hour abortion clinic — where he unintentionally confessed what Fox News has made us long suspect: smart people don't vote Republican. He then tore off his sleeves, lit a fart, and introduced the party's prospective 2016 presidential candidate, Honey Boo Boo.