Advertising


Pictured: The author trying to remember where he left his remaining fuck.

1. Check to see if you still have shits to give.

Although not as valuable as a fuck, a shit is usually way more than most jobs, people, or tasks ever deserve to be given.

2. Find someone you're interested in fucking.

Tell them about your job, or whatever it is that requires the fucks you no longer possess. No matter how boring your job, or whatever other fucking activity is making a mockery of all the potential you were given at birth, being bad at it will make you seem like a less desirable mate. People like to fuck people who give a fuck about things. If you really want to fuck that person, evolution will lend you a few emergency fucks so that you can impress them. Caution: if you succeed in fucking them on the regular, you may stop giving a fuck about impressing them, and then all your fucks will run out.