There are some very human things everyone goes through but are generally not acknowledged, such as the desperate attempts we make to restrain a powerful bout of gas. Reddit user tenbucktony recently had such an experience that, unfortunately for him and a completely random woman, went even worse than imaginable. He shared the incident online with the title "TIFU by mentally scarring my female co-worker NSFW." For the unfamiliar, TIFU stands for Today I Fucked Up.
Okay, here we go:
This happened last week but am still brooding over it 24/7 so hoping getting it off my chest may help...
So anyway, work in quite a large office building. One of those offices shared by multiple companies. We have normal male and females bathrooms but also one unisex bathroom which only has a single toilet and the unspoken rule is that it is female only. I believe in equality so disregard this rule regularly.
I always check to make sure the coast is clear and press my ear against the door before exiting to make sure I don't hear any footsteps in the corridor.
So one of my regular uses of this bathroom is to expel any unwanted gas. My office room is mostly women so being a gentlemen I never pass in that confined space. I go to the unisex bathroom, blow my trumpet and return with no one the wiser.
I sensed a disturbance from the depths so headed for the bathroom as usual. I was on the edge of erupting so had to sprint walk with every muscle clenched. In haste, I forgot to lock the door behind me.
Now when I expel I also like to pull down my pants and underwear because I am always mindful of the smell clinging to the fabric of my clothes and hanging around with you for most of the day. Probably paranoia but better safe than sorry. I pull down my pants and launch. Was a great one. A perfect B flat minor.
I peered over my shoulder because it felt a little harder to pass than usual. Sitting on the floor was a little poo nugget. Not too large, maybe the size of a medium strawberry.
That's when my life changed forever. I heard the door handle jiggle before it swung open.
There I was, naked from the waist down looking over my shoulder at a piece of my own shit.
It was a small Asian woman. She looked at me, then at the poo and then back at me. Pale as a ghost. She quickly shut the door as I heard her heels scurry back down the corridor.
She's not with my company but I still recognized her from the break room. For a week now I haven't left my office. I don't want to see her and feel like she's told everyone and they won't stop staring at me. I like this job but part of me wants to skip town and never return. This is what you get for being chivalrous!
TL;DR A female co-worker walked in on me in the unisex toilet just as I had accidentally pooped on the floor after trying to pass gas.
If men really believe chivalry means farting privately, we are all doomed. Regardless, the moral of this errant knight's story is that if you're going to the bathroom to release some air, take a seat. AND LOCK THE DOOR.