International Nurse's Day is May 12, and it's a day that the usually under-appreciated legion of nurses really deserve (even if most people ignore it and thank their doctor instead). Here are 11 stories culled from various Reddit threads from nurses who do crucial, grueling work—and somehow manage to keep laughing despite the bodily fluids.
1. Xplodingboy07 has probably the greatest medical story of all time.
This is actually pretty funny.
I was doing nursing clinicals at a small hospital that used the same type of telemetry throughout the entire building. Occasionally patients would be put on some other equipment if they had specific needs. The standard telemetry would not make any sounds in a patients room, but some of the other options that were used did.
So this one morning I am walking down the hall and I hear "Beep, beep, beep, beep" going super fast like 160BPM coming from a patients room. A moment later I heard it start to slow down "beep... beep... beep... ... ...beep" then it just stopped. I ran into the room expecting to call a code when I saw the patient watching The Price is Right with the volume cranked and someone just spun that fucking wheel.
2. You may think you've seen it all. This nurse heard it all—all at once—from a patient on anesthesia:
Luckily, nurses and doctors don't judge you when you say crazy stuff on anesthesia. They just post it straight to Reddit.
3. Nellirn got a little concert from the ER.
Such a primadonna.
4. Welcome to the grossest poop story on this website.
Is this only a problem this lady has while in the hospital? Or is she used to scooping the poop out of her butt, and just wasn't capable of it in this moment?
5. You gotta hope some anesthesia was involved in the mix-up witnessed by Kateintampa.
6. This nurse deserves their own holiday, just for them.
One fateful Tuesday I was covering a surgical clinic. I excused myself from a patient's room to fetch some extra dressing supplies, and as I knocked and cracked the door to come back in, the overwhelming smell of feces hit me. Turns out the patient took this opportunity to poop in the sink - which is not exactly that low to the ground - and I caught him mid-defecation. Poor guy looked guilty as hell. Many WTFs were had, and we had to brown-out that room for the rest of the day.
On the inpatient side, we frequently catch people masturbating in a corner, and for the rest of the admission we call them "spiderman."
Two out of six stories have been about feces so far. Is that more or less than you expected?
7. Depending on the circumstances, impossible_planet's story is actually kind of sad. But you're an adult. You can handle it.
8. Warning: this story from yust is graphic, bloody, and about a penis.
This actually happens a lot, but confused patients like to rip their Foley (urinary) Catheters out with the tip inflated. It's about the size of a big grape, and come the entire way from the bladder down and out their penis/urethra.
They then get up, and walk over to you confused dripping blood every where to tell you that their penis hurts.
When I say happens a lot, if you're on a team with a lot of elderly/alcoholic/demented/psychiatric patients, its about once a month event.
I've seen it before in A&E so it qualifies for this thread.
Edit: when I say dripping blood, I mean they leave pools of blood across the ward floor.
9. An ER nurse named SnicketySnatch reveals that nurses are compassionate, but also need to amuse themselves, sometimes at a patient's expense.
Actual ER nurse here. A little late to the game, but I thought I'd share a few of my favorites.
I also had a confused man rip off his colostomy bag full of liquid shit and throw it in my direction like a live grenade.
We have a regular psych patient who is only cooperative and happy while singing "Shine Bright Like a Diamond".. As a cruel joke on fellow co-workers, we would walk by and start singing to him so he would finish the entire song, loudly of course, while his nurse gave you the ol' "I'm going to kill you" glare from beside the bed.
Everyday is a new adventure.
10. Another depraved story, this one from MusicSoulZ, whose mother is a nurse.
11. And EyeFactUreMama has a tale that turns out well for the baby.
That's normal. Just in case you weren't sure.