On Monday, Redditor Craigstone_ posted a sign his coworker—a man identified only as "Paul from Accounts"—hung on his office door after the long Memorial Day weekend, illustrating his disdain for small talk (and most likely large talk, too). In essence, Paul's sign seeks to dissuade any of his loathsome colleagues from asking him about his weekend, or basically speaking to him at all, about anything, ever again.
Paul's super friendly sign reads:
PLEASE READ BEFORE ATTEMPTING CONVERSATION
- Long weekend was good.
- Memorial Day was good.
- Remembered the troops.
- Drank nine beers
- Ate three hot dogs
- I still don't watch/care about Game of Thrones.
- Steph Curry is good at basketball.
- You're not my friend just because we work together.
- I'd quit this job and move to Alaska if I had any real control over my life, but student loans and child support have me shackled to a job I hate because of decisions I regret. Decisions like having a kid and going to college. Those were bonehead decisions in retrospect.
- If I could go back and do it all over again, I would kill myself before it started like the director's cut ending of The Butterfly Effect.
- It's a lot better than the theatrical ending of The Butterfly Effect. Sorry if you haven't seen it and I just spoiled it for you. It's still worth watching.
Topics Paul left out of that note but also should be avoided probably include: The Bachelor, Silicon Valley, all television, all books, most food, sports of any kind, his family, his life choices, his future goals, and any movies other than The Butterfly Effect. Things Paul might deign to talk to you about, should you catch him in an uncharacteristically good mood: Alaska and hot dogs. That pretty much covers it.