People have done ridiculous things on the job (more ridiculous than going to this beloved humor site for a pleasant distraction from the horrors and ennui of this era), gifting their coworkers with hilarious stories. Reddit delivered on a request to share the stupidest fire-worthy offenses they've seen, and wow, people can be pretty damn dumb.
1. A fake stroke of genius.
New guy, around 20 yrs old or so, called in sick saying he thinks he had a stroke. Since he lived across the street from the store where we worked, we all then stood and watched through the store's glass door as he packed up his truck with beach gear and drove off with his girlfriend. Fired the next day. -MachineGunTeacher
2. A new chapter of R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet.
I had an employee lock another employee in a closet one time. The person that was trapped called the police from inside the closet. It was quite an HR nightmare. -racord360
3. Taste test.
Had a server drink out of the customer's Dr.Pepper and Coke to see which was which....in front of them... -Zeke219
4. Choose a better hooky hideaway.
I was assistant manager at a restaurant for a while and one of the newer bussers had called in 3 times in his first two weeks. He called in on Saturday telling me he was deathly sick and couldn't even get out of bed.
Around 9pm after the dinner rush one of my servers ask me to go check on table 42. I turn the corner and there is the 'sick' busser stoned out of his mind with two buddies eating. -Half_Past_Five
5. Tantrum Lady had a Ross Gellar moment.
Not me, but my boss.
Boss had to fire a lady in our office because she lost her "marbles" when someone ate her bagel from the fridge. She literally had a tantrum, like a toddler. Also, the girl who ate it, ate it by mistake. She thought it was a bagel from the office breakfast we had earlier that same morning (it was in the same packaging as the office stuff). Now, I absolutely hate it when people eat my lunch, but the girl who ate the bagel profusely apologized. Even stated she would go and buy her a new one right on the spot. But tantrum lady couldn't let it go. So, that ended up being her last night. -kt20871936
6. Smoke away the evidence.
Used to be a supervisor at a big store in college. Other supervisor overhears an employee telling someone he has a joint in his pocket for later. My boss calls the employee into the back office to discuss with HR. HR rep asks him if he does indeed have pot. Response????? "Nope, I smoked it already." Almost died laughing. -PigeonBeans
7. The party was worth it.
Called in sick so he can attend the company's Christmas party. -DarthVenti
8. Pitches for an Office reboot:
2 employees hooked up on camera, then tried to delete the footage
Employee brought a gun to work & kept it in his work area
Assistant mgr watched porn on a work computer, crashed the whole property system
Bartender walked a "barfly" out to her car; stayed for half an hour to get "serviced"
2 employees stole food from freezer, had cookout & invited staff, including an asst mgr. -StefWithAnF
9. Pinot Grigio or GTFO.
I had a server tell a customer he was "a pussy" for ordering white Zinfandel. -knotclever1
10. The old Idaho goodbye.
During my first real dev job, the company I was working for tried to implement a bunch of things to improve efficiency and employee satisfaction. Two interesting programs they implemented were 'work from home' and agile development, along with the requisite bullpens (shared team areas). What this basically meant is that we only had to show up in the office for core hours (4 hours) 3 days a week, and the rest of time we could work in shared areas, restaurants, parks, home - you name it. Sometimes, if you couldn't be at core hours, you would just dial in. We were young and excited and dedicated, so the core team really got a lot of good work done with this model.
About two weeks after we started, our scrum master casually mentioned 'Has anyone seen Phil?' Phil was a quiet guy, and he was still answering emails and IM, so it took us a while to agree that no-one had actually seen him in a long time. She called him from the speakerphone in the bull-pen, and as God is my witness, here is the call that took place:
Boss: Hey Phil! What's up?
Phil: Hey Boss - not much, what's up with you?
Boss: Hey, we were just noticing we hadn't seen you much lately. You ever coming back in for core hours?
Phil: ...Probably not...
Boss: Oh... why is that?
Phil: Because I moved to Idaho.
Boss: ...But Phil, we're in DC?
Phil: I know.
Boss: Why didn't you tell us you wanted to move to Idaho?
Phil: Oh. Because I knew you wouldn't let me. -AtlantaPesto