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21yo asked to adopt kids of dying woman; she was his late-dad's ex-girlfriend.

21yo asked to adopt kids of dying woman; she was his late-dad's ex-girlfriend.


There might be nothing more horrible than having to find a new home for your children after being given a terminal diagnosis. But who do you ask? One young man was shocked to be asked by his late-father's ex-girlfriend and didn't feel it was appropriate.

u/ComfortableMessage73 never had a good relationship with his dad's ex or her children. He denied her request that he take her kids in after she died. But he needed to know if he did the right thing so he asked Reddit:

AITA (am I the a-hole) for telling my late dad's ex girlfriend that I don't want her kids?

My dad dated Anna on and off from the time I was 13. In their one extended off period (almost two years) she had a daughter and was pregnant with another daughter. They got back together while Anna was still pregnant and were back to their on and off relationship.

For the most part they lived together through all the off parts of their relationship from the beginning. It was rough living there when they weren't together. They brought other people back and were generally just toxic and had a sh*tty relationship.

I moved out of dad's house and in with my grandparents when I was 17. It was a lot for me. I had never bonded or had any kind of love for Anna or her girls while I lived with them. I was just trying to survive the upheaval my dad was putting me through.

A few times dad would tell me to be their big brother or whatever but he was more wrapped up in Anna. They broke up a few months before he died two years ago. He and I weren't really talking in the last year of his life.

So Anna has been diagnosed with some neurological disease and reached out to my grandparents to raise her girls. She has nobody. Doesn't know the bio fathers of the girls, doesn't have any family she's in touch with (she was deep in drugs and alcohol for years and they disowned her over it and were not interested in hearing from her again) and no friends left.

My grandparents said no because they had nothing to do with the girls and had not considered them surrogate granddaughters. To be honest even before dad died I was the only person in his house they had a relationship with. They didn't see dad anymore because of how he was.

She tracked me down on social media and told me she needed to talk about something important. She explained to me that she's sick, and I could see it in the way she was walking and talking, and she knows the girls are too young to survive when she gets worse and she wants better for them.

She said after years of being their brother, and of living with them, she wanted me to take her girls and raise them and let them visit her but once she's gone, to be the family they don't have otherwise. I was shocked and even a little pissed if I'm honest because Anna was asking for something huge from me for people who were essentially strangers.

We were never a family but she was acting like we had been at some point. She saw how I was reacting and said my dad would have wanted me to do this and to think about how I lost my mom and dad and how I should consider her girls.

It pissed me off so much I told her I didn't want her kids and I walked away. She asked me how I could do this to her girls and called me a d*ck. She told me when they end up bounced around in foster care, I will only have myself to blame.

AITA (am I the a-hole)?

It's a complicated situation but is OP responsible for what happens to those girls?

Let's see what Reddit users had to say:

GundyGalois writes:

NTA (not the a-hole). I feel for these poor girls, but that doesn't make them your responsibility. If this situation is a criticism of anyone, it's society in general, not you specifically (and of course Anna). She's not wrong to ask, but she is way out of line guilting you about your dad and calling you names.

notlucyintheskye says:

NTA (not the a-hole). You're never obligated to essentially become a parent to anyone else's kids. I personally would, just because the foster care system is a f***ing nightmare, but I definitely understand your position of 'No, I can't/won't and shouldn't have to'

GardenDivaESQ writes:

NTA because this is a life changing ask. Unfortunately her children are suffering the consequences of her shitty lifestyle choices. Lots of losers have “come to Jesus moments” when they are staring down mortality and realize they’ve screwed up. This doesn’t make it your problem.

If this was something you wanted to do then that would be one thing. But these are not your relatives nor your responsibility. Do what you want. She has no right to call you names at all.

humantryingtoescape wondered about their biological fathers:

Maybe the fathers can be found. It makes sense to at least do some genetic testing on the girls to see what turns up in the data base. Regardless, it was extremely unreasonable to ask you to take the girls.

Reddit says OP is definitively NTA (not the a-hole).

According to Reddit, OP was just a kid himself and in no way responsible for these girls, as sad as the situation may be. But is there more that OP could do? There are a number of things Reddit users suggested. There might be a solution for the girls that doesn't involve OP.

Sources: Reddit
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