Woman reveals she rejects her former adoption in UK Mother's Day post. AITA?
We'll keep this one short.
AITA for ruining English Mother's Day for my former adoptive mother?
My former adoptive mother was also my stepmother. She and my father forced the adoption on me against my will when I was 7 because she couldn't have children biologically, my mom was dead and they felt like she 'deserved' the official mother title and a place on my birth certificate.
I never wanted it and begged them not to but was ignored. They even lied and said my dad was sick to push the judges hand, because apparently with me saying no, they needed something that would make a judge think it would be in my best interest.
So they pretended dad was worried something would get worse and the judge decided it was safer for me. I never forgave them.
I went no contact 7 months ago when I turned 18. I asked my maternal grandparents to adult adopt me to erase the original adoption.
My stepmother is English and ever since I knew her she celebrated both the UK Mother's Day and our Mother's Day.
Around midnight last night I made a Facebook post thanking my grandma for adopting me and being a great mom to me. I don't even celebrate the UKs Mother's Day but dad's parents reminded me about it and said I should post something knowing she would see.
They weren't thinking of announcing the adoption thing. But that's what I did.
I woke up an hour ago and she saw it thanks to other family members being friends to both of us on Facebook. I was told by an aunt that they're really angry and saying I'm an AH because they had no idea I was no longer legally their kid. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say:
NTA. First things first, sorry about your mom OP. It's a complicated thing to go through, and everyone handles it differently at any age. Even if it happens young and you barely remember it can come back around and rear it's ugly head.
But really.. What did they expect to happen forcing a bond onto a child? And against the childs wishes? I'd understand perhaps if your dad was truly ill and worried something might happen, but even then was she really the best/only option? Sounds like she's not.
Mind if I ask how old you were when she passed? And how long was it between your mom's passing and your 'forcible adoption'?
Edit: Timeline much too short. OP's dad decided his wife was a good match for him, then rushed the marriage and adoption far too quickly without considering OP. Dad's TA for sure.
NTA. Petty, sure, but you did not want to be adopted by your stepmother and immediately went No Contact when you turned 18, so that's a pretty massive indicator of the type of people they were.
NTA. Why should you protect their feelings? They didn't do anything to protect yours. I think you should check in with your grandparents though; if your post has caused issues for them, you need to support them.
NTA - overall, but that is a long time to hold a grudge. I understand the desire to reverse the adoption. However, I feel like you are holding on to some intense anger far longer than is healthy. You don't like what they did, and you reversed it.
That is fine. But it sounds like you have not forgiven them for what is actually a minor, reversable, and forgivable offense. After all, it is just a name on a piece of paper.
Maybe they committed other, more egregious offense against you that is the source of your anger. Having your step-mom adopt you gives them some useful legal resilience in taking care of you. It is a reasonable thing to do. If that is all they did and you are still mad, then you should seek therapy, lest you have a difficult life dealing with any future relationships.
Are stepmother's feelings hurt because she's no longer your adopted parent or hurt because you made it public? Because now everybody will be asking why she's no longer your parent you may as well post those reasons on FB. If you're going to stick the knife in, you may as well go to the hilt.
Change privacy settings on FB obviously someone is spilling the tea. I do think you should have told them about the adoption even if it was through an attorney after the fact. But overall NTA they shouldn’t force the adoption on you like that in the first place.
Do you think this announcement was in poor taste or do you think this woman has a right to celebrate her selected mother figure?