'Ex-wife opened 2 credit cards in my name; will withhold visitation rights if I turn her in.'
"Ex-wife opened 2 credit cards in my name, will withhold visitation rights if I turn her in."
This is a sad situation but after my divorce, I ended up moving about 30 miles away where I bought a house and got a job transfer. The divorce was finalized about 4 years ago. She got primary custody as she lives in the school district, though I get most weekends and holidays.
We've been fairly cordial about it and it's been working for awhile. Eventually, I'd like to get to a 50/50 as she'll be moving to a different school district once he hits high school shortly and I'd just move into that district.
My problem is that my ex has opened up a couple of credit cards in my name and charged $6000. I had no idea this was happening until I received a letter from a collection agency. It was pretty obvious she was the one who opened the accounts as the address on the accounts are hers and it looks like the statements are from mainly where she shops.
When I dropped our son off on Monday I told her I found the accounts and I'd have to go to the police unless she paid them off completely right away. She denied it at first, then said if I went to the police, she'd disallow visitation for "safety" reasons.
Unfortunately, she'd be able to do this, and has done so in the past, requiring me to go back to court with my lawyer to force her to follow the parenting agreement. That's how I gained all holidays shortly after the divorce, basically as a punishment for failing to comply with the parenting order, but still allowing her to be the custodial parent.
I don't want my son to have to go through this, but I am certainly not taking the hit to my credit for what she's doing. I'm probably going to make the report but is there anything else I'd be missing her?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Turn her in and use that to get full custody, family courts tend to frown upon crime. It would also be good to try to get her threats of parental alienation on video. Talk to your lawyer and start gathering evidence.
First off, I love how she went from denying it to threatening. Great level of trustworthiness right there.
Second, literally treat her like anyone else. Someone committed fraud against you. Report it and take care of yourself.
Third, drag her back to court for damages and request the parenting agreement be amended. It's clear she can't be trusted with finances and that should be grounds for losing some parenting rights. If she's violated the parenting agreement before, point out this isn't the first time she's made executive decisions.
What's with ex's trying to pull some of the dumbest things ever? It's pathetic and embarrassing on their behalf.
It is important to keep a very close eye on your credit score since it factors into many of life's biggest decisions. A couple steps you can take right now include:
Checking and automatically monitoring your credit score - Looking at your own credit score does not hurt your credit, it also includes a credit monitor
Freezing your credit reports - This can be done with Experian, Equifax and Transunion to help prevent unauthorized accounts from being opened
Feel free to ask any credit score related questions.
5 months later OP came back with this update:
There's some good and some bad unfortunately. Since this started several months ago she has been horrible. I went to the police regarding the credit card accounts, getting the report was painless and they said it happens a lot. Both of the credit cards have dropped off my credit report! My credit is back to normal and I've set up a credit monitor and to make sure it doesn't happen again.
It doesn't look like she's going to be prosecuted for opening the cards in my name. I was told when I made the report it would be up to the credit card companies to cooperate with the prosecutors if they wanted to go through with fraud charges. Apparently they don't cooperate most of the time, but I can still ask the county to prosecute on behalf of myself, which I did.
In November I got a form letter saying they wouldn't be prosecuting my case. I asked a criminal defense lawyer I know about it and he said the county maybe goes forward with 10% of criminal cases where people get arrested, it's nearly 0 where there is no probable cause for an arrest.
He said his job is basically just working out deals for clearly guilty people. He also said to let it go at this point, so I've come to terms with the fact that she's not going to gave criminal charges and probably not even a lawsuit.
She also did exactly what she said she would do and stopped letting me see our son. I've documented every single instance (about 30 total) since September that she's failed to follow our court ordered custody agreement. I finally got her served at work (that's another thing I don't like about family courts) and she claimed I was abusive and manipulative.
I had the police report for the credit cards and basically said the visitation violations started the week after I made the report. The judge basically gave her a final chance to follow the order before he would grant an alteration and she'd possibly face criminal charges.
The first child exchange after the hearing a couple weeks ago she said she needs more child support and alimony, asking for an extra $1500/month. I told her absolutely not. Last week I went to pick him up, she never showed up and I got a documentation number from the police.
Next day - "new account detected" email. I got the account canceled before the card was even sent....to her address. Froze my credit, made another report, waiting for the "will not prosecute" letter, she's failed to show up with him ever since. Got her served at work and our new hearing is in a week and a half. I know eventually things are going to work out but she's really testing my nerves.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
It’s because there are no consequences for her actions. She’s opened three credit cards in OP’s name - no consequence, just a free $6000 bonus. She’s ignored the custody order and received multiple warnings from the judge, but no consequences.
In the mean time, she’s caused OP so much trouble and headaches, with almost no effort. That’s likely the end goal. It will continue until she actually faces some form of consequence for her actions.
...so she reneged on her agreement to finally let him see their son again and then tried to steal his identity again? They never bothered with giving her any actual consequences, so she's just going to keep pulling this nonsense until she gets hit with them 😮💨
Hmm I wonder what he’d find if he checked his kid’s credit. If she did it to him there is no way she didn’t also do it to her son.
About a month later OP came back with this update:
It's hard to say if this is good or bad but I'm going to take this as a win. My ex-wife didn't show up to court and the judge granted my request for what amounted to a major alteration of the custody agreement.
We have another hearing in a couple of weeks which is to confirm the new order and give her a chance to defend herself. I will be the primary custodian and my (now) wife and I couldn't be happier about it. The judge also ordered my ex to bring our son to the hearing, something she's never had to do before.
Last Wednesday I got a call from DCFS saying my son was at the hospital, but only as a precaution to get checked out. I left work and got there about 45 minutes later, just as he was about to be cleared. I hadn't seen him in person in a few weeks and we both cried.
DCFS said my ex and her boyfriend got into an argument and during it, my son got bumped and fell into a coffee table. He ended up needing 2 stitches on the side of his head. He got a CT and everything was fine. He said he didn't want to live with my ex anymore because he doesn't like the boyfriend who moved in.
CPS and I agreed as part of the safety plan, he would be staying with me until the next court date. Both my ex and her bf were taken to jail, both released the next day, it looks like they aren't being charged.
He's 12 and pretty resilient. He explained that my ex and the bf argue a lot but that was the first time it got physical. I drive him back and forth 30ish miles for school everyday and the school knows not to allow my ex to pick him up, which she tried to do on Tuesday. She has texted me a couple of times asking to talk and I told her we will deal with this in court.
I wish I didn't get him like this, but I know he's safe and it's starting to look pretty good for me on the legal side of things. Also, no surprise, but no charges are being filed for the new account she tried to open several weeks ago.
Edit: I'll clear up a couple things here.
I would love to press charges on my ex for either keeping my son from me or identity theft. The prosecutors office here just straight up isn't interested. I've been completely open and helpful, the original police report spells it out perfectly, the county just doesn't want to bother with it.
I've check my son's credit, thankfully the only thing there is the credit card I added him as an authorized user on. My lawyer told me freezing his credit could backfire if my ex doesn't have the PIN as the court might look at it as finance-related.
I currently monitor both mine and his credit with the credit alert service recommended in the OP several months back. That's how I found out about the newest account she tried to open. It saved my a%$.
I already pay for everything related to my son: clothes, tuition, sports, everything. Which is why it chapped my ass she wanted more.