Orphaned groom abandoned at altar reconciles with ex-fiancée’s father for his career. AITA? UPDATED 2X
"AITA for ghosting my ex fiancé’s dad after she said no at the altar?"
I 21m was orphaned around 6 years ago in march of 2019 after a horrific car accident where my whole family were unalived. At that time I was in a 2 month relationship with my now ex fiancé’s and she stood with me more than anyone else did.
Her whole family took me in as one of their own but especially her father. He treated me just as he did his two sons if not even better and I loved him and still love him as a dad and I’ve been working with him for over two years now because he’s a lawyer and I’m studying law.
Over here you have to work in a law firm to get experience in order to graduate and you usually don’t get paid for it but he pays me minimum wage which is way more than he has to and I love him for that.
Living alone for that long however was lonely even though I had a loving second family. I wanted marriage, for her to move in with me and to not be alone anymore. When I proposed last year, she happily accepted.
We kissed and her family were so happy for both of us, and then our supposed wedding came in this past June. In front of our whole family and all of our friends, she said no and ran outside crying. I just stood there feeling like this was all just a dream. But no, it was reality.
She destroyed me that day. Her parents went after her as I stood there seeing all those people whispering and looking at me and I just snapped. I went home and threw all her stuff away that was already there and then went straight to the airport to go to our honeymoon alone. It was expensive as hell and most of the trip was non refundable and I had already lost a lot of money in the failed marriage.
Her family kept trying to get in contact with me over the next two weeks but I deactivated all my socials. Even after I returned home, I couldn’t bring myself to see any of them so I even avoided work.
I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone and everyone here talks. Ever since that day, people made me this evil monster that forced this innocent little girl into marrying him but she heroically saved herself. Which is all BS; I never even raised my voice over her.
Life then went on and I found another lawyer to do my internship with and he was nowhere near as good as my ex fiancés dad but it wasn’t that bad. They stopped trying to reach out to me and people stopped talking about the whole thing.
It felt like it’s just moving on, when suddenly around two weeks ago I was chilling at home alone at night and her dad came over. I of course welcomed him in and offered coffee and he accepted.
Before we could talk, he started apologising for his daughter saying she got cold feet at the last second and refused. He said that he too wasn’t proud of her and wasn’t happy about the whole situation.
I told him it was none of his fault and that I’m sorry for ghosting him but it just was painful to be around him especially since she looks so much like him even though I still love him.
He asked me whether I would like to come back and work with him even if I just want our relationship to just be a work relationship. H said he loves me like a son and doesn’t wanna lose that and I told him I’d think about it. AITA because of how I reacted and should I return to work with him? Any help would be appreciated.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
The relationships are connected but not entirely dependent on each other. Sounds like you have a solitary life, and I imagine that's rough on you. Are you sure it's worth not taking him up on his offer?
He seems to care about you, and he seems to have a dim view of his daughters behavior as well. If it's just shame that's making him reach out.....maybe think twice, but if it's genuinely about you, don't hurt yourself over pride, and someone else's bad behavior.
(OP)
He does care about me and he cared about me way more than my own father did or at least that he showed, which is why I feel like an AH for how I reacted, and I wanna take his offer but idk.
NTA for how you reacted. As for the internship, that's really up to you. It's a tough one. On one hand, it's an amazing opportunity that you clearly won't get anywhere else. On the other hand, you would have to face him every day and remember the pain she put you through. If you feel you can move past that, I would take him up on the offer.
NTA for your reaction.
He sounds like a really lovely guy- but you need ground rules if you're thinking of working for him, the first one being that his whole family know you're going back.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
So after reading all of your comments, I decided to talk to him and I did. We went out to a local coffee shop and talked. I told him I’d love to work with him again but with only one condition which is to not mention his daughter and what she’s doing with her life and to please not invite me to events she’ll be present at. He accepted.
He told me that he too was embarrassed and shamed after the wedding and that he’s sad and disappointed it didn’t work out between us and that he understands why I don’t want to hear about her.
Then he asked about how I’m doing and where will I be celebrating the new year. I told him I’ll do it alone at home which was the first time I ever did it. Because, for the last 5 years, I always celebrated with them.
He was sad and said he’d have loved to celebrate with me as his son in law and I told him to say happy holidays to the whole family, except her of course then we left. Thanks for all the comments and love and happy new year to all of you🙏
Later that day, the OP returned with their final update.
Hey there, I wasn’t expecting to make another update on this but here we go. Earlier today her dad talked to me and asked if he could come over and I accepted and he came over with a gift basket full of chocolate which I quite liked.
He told me that he just wanted to let me know that there was a second guy that my ex was seeing at the time which is why she said no and left me, and that he was so ashamed to tell me that and so embarrassed in his daughter that he said she got cold feet, I told him that I had suspected so and that it wasn’t his fault.
I asked him whether or not he has heard what was being said about me after the wedding in the village and he said that they were also people talking about his daughter and that she’s a monster for doing that, and I asked whether he could stop and deny those rumours that I was abusive and he promised he’d help me and deny them.
I also asked whether he could recompense with some of the money I lost in the wedding because I need serious therapy and it’s really expensive over here and I put almost all my money into the wedding and honeymoon and our house and he agreed to give me half of the wedding costs which would be more than enough for me and I thanked him for that.
He also said that the guy his daughter left me for has already broken up with her and she is regretting leaving me for him but he understands why I don’t wanna go back to her and he promised me that it won’t effect my internship with him, and I rerun to work with him next Sunday which I’m thankful for because I hate staying home. Thanks again for all the love and support🙏
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's posts:
Good for you. If he's willing, perhaps he could also do his part in reversing the narrative out there that you're to blamed for her actions.
If he talks like he writes, he's in trouble.
First opening statement he makes he's gonna turn blue and pass out right in front of the bailiff.
This sounds great - I hope the new role works out. From what you said before he'll be an excellent mentor, and this will be good for you professionally. Sounds like he's onboard with your needs around your ex, too, which is also important. Best of luck.
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through at such a young age, brother. But I’m happy to see you’ve made the right decision for your future. Your family would not want to see you sad and unhappy.
You need to keep taking care of yourself now. Do what makes you happy and live the best life you can, for your family. All the best of luck, strength and resolve going forward bro. Happy New Year 🥃