Man refuses to return home with his late wife's son after discovering he’s not the biological father. AITA?
"AITA? I took my son to a new country and refuse to move back home."
I 39M have a son 4M. My wife passed during childbirth. Before her death and the pregnancy, we had been having some marital issues. I suspected cheating. I worked long hours to provide as she had gone back to school for nursing since she hated her job. But the thoughts and worries of the cheating quickly faded as the few times I tried to catch her never worked. I figured I was paranoid.
When we realized she was pregnant, she begged for couples counseling and put a lot more effort into the home and our relationship. I began to feel guilty for ever doubting her because she was so excited and warm about the pregnancy.
It was like this was the light we needed to get back on track. She had finished her degree and was looking for work, I could take on less hours because we didn't have the cost of tuition anymore, and everyone was thrilled with the news. It was like that rough patch was just a dark cloud that passed by.
She became very clingy and possessive during her pregnancy. My mother and her mother assured me it was actually normal and not to let it get to me. Her own father had abandoned her mother when she was pregnant, so I thought it was irrational hormones.
When it came tome for delivery, something went wrong. I won't go into details but she lost a lot of blood and passed. I seriously considered giving our boy up for adoption but he was too perfect and all I had left of her.
I switched gears, got a new job with WFH benefits, and moved to a new country very quickly. Looking back, all the big changes were probably a knee jerk reaction from the grief. I was never able to step back inside the house I shared with her.
Sometime last year, my son had an accident and it honestly was the scariest thing. He is fine now. But I found out through some blood tests that it was impossible for me to be his biological father. So I did an at home DNA test and ot came back negative. Despite that, this is my kid. I don't I will ever be able to look at him ay other way. He is my best bud.
I was recently home for the holidays and my sister remarked that he wasn't looking very much like me. I tried to brush it off as him getting it from my wife's side but she kept pushing.
Eventually she managed to snag a bit of DNA and do a test. Her results came back not too long ago and she has been spreading it all across the family. My mother is upset with her but now worried about me, as of this was new information.
The news quickly spread around theor small town and a man I don't know has stepped forward, claiming to be the father. He was a fellow nursing student, I guess. He wants me to uproot and go back to town and share custody.
He was talking about getting full custody but that was immediately shot down by my in-laws who scolded and berated him for cheating with a married woman and how he was no man to raise a child.
I'm not leaving where I am now. I refuse contact with that guy. He can't serve me for anything legally as we are an ocean apart and he has no proof he is the biological father.
My mother is worried my son will hate me for this. I am a little too. Maybe when he is older I can tell him, when he can understand everything better. But that guy makes it sound like I'm the AH. He had to kow she was pregnant, it was all over our socials, and that there was a chance my son could be his biologically. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Tell her sister to keep her mouth shut and out of your business. She had no right to do what she did. And you’re quite right, your name is on the birth certificate-he’s your son. To uproot a child aged 4 to meet the request of a cheater is not on.
If your wife’s AP was a fellow nursing student I’m sure he saw and spoke to your wife pregnant and didn’t step up then or since for whatever reason. If you’re living abroad I’d just ignore all communication from him. Your sister sure opened up a can of worms for you.
She's bang out of order. She had no right causing all this trouble. She will get her karma. But that's for another time. We are dealing with a man, who wants to take a child that has been raised by a very loving father, he may not be biological father. But as I'm concerned he is the true father to this child.
NTA - You stay put and give your son the best life you can. When he gets older, you can explain the situation, but at 4, he won't really understand.
Stay where you are. If you go back, you risk the chance of him serving you and uprooting you and your son. As far as your sister is concerned, she overstepped and had she not done so, your secret would be safe.
She has put you in danger of losing your child and made it where it’s not safe for you to come back. If I were you, I’d tell her off and cut her off and I’d make it very very clear to the rest of the family that she is the reason you will never be setting foot back in that town.
Your sister is a jerk. Stay where you are and love your son. He IS your son in every way that matters.
NTA you are the only father your son has ever known. Your sister should be sued for theft of dna and running a medical test on a child without his parents permission. There needs to be new laws set in place. I would never take my kid back around your family God knows what else they will do.