Woman demands that her father tell her sister that their dying mother is not hers. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to let my half sister see my (not her) mom before she dies and telling dad he'll have to explain why to her before he loses her too?"
My dad cheated on my mom and my half sister (11) is the result of his cheating. When my mom found out she left my dad and filed for divorce. It was a really difficult time because dad tried to get back with mom using me and he expected them to raise the two of us together and we'd be one happy family where mom got left raising the affair baby as her own.
Instead he raised her on his own because her mom left her with dad once she was 2 months old. From the time she could talk my dad was telling my half sister my mom was hers. He had her calling mom mama when she was learning how to talk, he'd talk about her like she was OUR mom and not mine.
Dad would punish me for telling him to stop. He told me she was my sister and I loved her so I should want mom to love her too. And then we'd fight because I told him I didn't love her and he was making things so much harder for me. I hated being at dad's house because of his obsession with mom being my half sister's mom.
Things got worse when my half sister got older and she tried to seek mom out. She wanted hugs and love and my mom lost it with my dad a number of times because she didn't want anything to do with my half sister and she was repulsed by the idea of my half sister calling her mama/mom.
Eventually mom got primary custody of me and I only had to see dad for a few hours a month. I could tell my half sister was confused by it all but I never felt protective over her and I never blamed my mom for wanting nothing to do with her. She made sure she saw her as little as possible so she wouldn't have her trying to interact or look for hugs and stuff.
Things got worse two years ago when dad ended up in the hospital for over a month and my half sister went into foster care. Dad wanted mom to take her and mom told him to get lost.
My half sister didn't understand why she wasn't with me and mom when dad was sick. It was a whole thing and dad tried to make me responsible for my half sister but I refused to be. Dad's health has never fully recovered and I refused to help and so did my mom.
Now she's terminally ill and spending her last weeks in the hospital which is already freaking hard. But my dad told my half sister she could visit but mom and me made sure they could get nowhere near mom.
But that hasn't stopped dad from showing up with my half sister and her getting upset because she know mom's dying. Mom wouldn't even know now but I refuse to disrespect her like that.
So I warned dad a couple of days ago that he'll lose her like he lost me if he doesn't find a way to tell her the truth and explain why she can't see mom. He asked me why I have to be so hateful to her and why I couldn't allow her this one small thing.
Then he brought up how his illness is still a thing and he could be dead before mom or even a year from now and would I really want this to be how my half sister is treated.
He tried to bring up what would happen to her but I told him my only concern is my mom and he needs to do better. He said I was evil and my half sister never held any responsibility in any of this. And he continues to show up with her. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Your Dad is unhinged.
Truly. This is some psychotic behavior and it’s been going on for ELEVEN YEARS. OP, just tell your sister the truth. She’s way too old not to understand that she’s in a messed up situation. I’d also report your dad to CPS. Are you over 18? If so, cut him off. He sounds dangerous, tbh. NTA.
"He asked me why I have to be so hateful to her and why I couldn't allow her this one small thing." The hateful person is the one who lied to their own child for all of her life. He lied, because the truth is that he had an affair with somebody who abandoned their child. His lie makes him look better, and OP's mom look bad.
Aursuuush (OP)
And continuing to lie now knowing it's only going to hurt more. But like I warned him, he lost me already and he risks losing her. Maybe he wants that. Maybe it would be easier for him. He's only showing why he was capable of being so awful in the first place.
It looks like he tries to erase his affair every time he act like your mom is half sister’s mom. This all has to do with his consciousness and guilt. NTA.
Aursuuush (OP)
That's what I was thinking. But I also wonder if some of it is because he was still hoping mom would love him and get back with him even after all this time.
"because he was still hoping mom would love him."
The thing is, he doesn't love your mom. Because if he did love her, he wouldn't want her to go through so much while she's dying. He only loves himself (the idealised version of himself, who didn't cheat).
Aursuuush (OP)
I get that. But I think he has an obsession with her anyway. Maybe she made his life easier or took great care of him or something but he chases her like she's not the woman he cheated on.
I feel sorry for your half sister . Your father has been deceiving her whole life and now she gonna live with the pain of knowing that the person her dad has been telling her that is her mother is not her mother . It's really painful and sad.
Your dad is a horrible person, he knew how your mom felt and knew she would never accept your step sister and he still used her to try and get back with her with no regard for anyone’s feelings. It would probably hurt your stepsister more in the long run if you let her your mom in this state, please hold your ground and I’m so sorry for what you are going through. 💞
Aursuuush (OP)
Thank you. I know the experience would not be what she's looking for. My dad knows too but he's still trying to cover his lies and make them something they're not.
Your dad is psychotic. I feel so sorry for you and your sister. After he dies, and she goes back into foster care you should tell her case worker to get her therapy and tell the case worker the truth about her parents so that the therapist can tell her. This girl is needs to know the truth. You and your mom have done nothing wrong. But your dad is a narcissist.