19-year-old calls the cops on 17-year-old brother, 'he STOLE from me.' AITA? 'I took it to far.' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for calling the cops on my brother after he stole from me?"

Me (19F) and my brother (17M) have never really gotten along. He’s always been kinda reckless, but lately, he’s been getting worse. Sneaking out, lying, and now…stealing. A few days ago, I noticed some money missing from my room.

I don’t keep a ton of cash, but I had about $300 saved up for something important. Gone. At first, I thought I misplaced it, but then I checked my brother’s room, and guess what? Found some of my bills crumpled up in his drawer.

I confronted him, and he straight up denied it. Even when I showed him the money, he said he “found it outside.” Like… bro. Be serious. I told my parents, expecting them to back me up, but they brushed it off like, “He’s just a kid, he probably needed it for something.”

That pissed me off, so I told my parents either he gives it back or I call the cops. They didn’t take me seriously, so I actually did it. Not to get him arrested or anything, just to scare him. The cops came, talked to him, and made him give the money back. They didn’t charge him, just gave him a warning.

Now my family is mad at ME, saying I “took it too far” and should’ve just let my parents handle it. But they weren’t doing anything, and I’m tired of him getting away with stuff. AITA for calling the cops on my own brother?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Working-Paramedic912 said:

NTA. Sometimes tough love is the only way to make someone wake up. You didn’t ruin his life, you might’ve just saved it.

LittleDarkRaven said:

NTA. Your brother needs to learn that actions have consequences, even if it's just a scare from the cops. And hey, at least you got your money back!

Pandoratastic said:

NTA. You did give your parents an opportunity to handle it. They chose not to. So they can't really justify complaining that you turned elsewhere to handle it.

carlared0nx190 said:

NTA. Your brother stole from you, and your parents refused to do anything about it. If they had handled it properly, you wouldn’t have had to call the cops. You didn’t press charges; you just made sure he faced some consequences. Hopefully, this will teach him a lesson before he escalates to worse things.

dusty_relic said:

Next time someone has the nerve to bring this incident up, remind them that you did let your parents handle it,!and they failed, so you stepped up. Do not at any point apologize or even act guilty because NTA.

Radical_Damage said:

NTA but your brother and your parents are. For every action there is a reaction. He needs to learn there are consequences for bad behavior. Had your parents stepped up and put on adult underwear and made him give it back the police would not been involved. What it comes down to is he stole from you and parents did nothing which is equally as wrong as him stealing in the first place.

UPDATE:

So things have been awkward at home. My parents are still acting like I’m the villain, and my brother has been giving me the silent treatment, which honestly isn’t the worst thing in the world.

But here’s where it gets interesting. Turns out, I wasn’t the only one he was stealing from. A few days after everything went down, my mom pulled me aside and admitted that some of her money had gone missing too. She thought she had just misplaced it, but now she’s realizing it was probably him. I didn’t say I told you so even though I really wanted to, but I just gave her a look and was like, yeah exactly.

Now my parents are finally taking it seriously, but instead of being mad at him, they’re talking about how he’s just going through a phase and how they don’t want to be too hard on him.

Meanwhile, he’s still stomping around the house acting like I ruined his life. At this point, I’ve just distanced myself completely. I’m keeping my door locked, not leaving anything valuable around, and honestly counting down the days until I can move out.

Didn’t expect this to get so much attention, but I really appreciate all the comments. It helped me see that I wasn’t overreacting, and honestly, it’s been reassuring to know I wasn’t crazy for standing my ground. So do I feel bad? Nope. Do I regret it? Still no. If no one else is gonna hold him accountable, at least now he knows I will.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

BasicRabbit4 said:

Tell your parents that if they refuse to teach him accountability themselves, the penal system will be doing that job for them in a few years. Your brother is 17. Barring some form of severe brain damage, he knows stealing is wrong. Stealing is only going to be a phase if he is taught consequences NOW.

Working-Paramedic912 said:

Glad you stood your ground. If no one else is gonna teach him consequences, at least no

Independent-Bat-3552 said:

The thing is now you know he's stole from you how do you ever trust him? Even if he changes it'll take years to build that trust up again

VampiresKitten said:

Tell your mom that he's going to continue being a thief if they go easy on him. It's like condoning his bad choices. He needs to be held accountable and taken to therapy for his thriving or forced to get a job so he has to work for his money instead. He still owes you the remainder right? He needs to get a job to pay you and his mother back.

vanzir said:

NTA here. My oldest got popped trying to shoplift from claires. Their excuse was that they wanted to try it. I told them that the next time they want to try breaking the law, do it somewhere else. It's the only time I have ever threatened to kick my kid out. They were 18 already. They were really lucky that they were just banned from the mall honestly.

rigbysgirl13 said:

NTA. Your parents need to ask bro why he is stealing not-insignificant sums of money suddenly. Also, any items missing around the house? Jewelry, small appliances, electronics, games, things that can be pawned easily for quick cash? Because when a family member turns their, drugs are often in play.

SECOND UPDATE:

So things have escalated a bit since my last update. My parents finally started taking things more seriously, but not in the way I expected. Instead of actually holding my brother accountable, they’re now in full-on damage control mode, acting like this whole thing is just a “family issue” that got blown out of proportion.

A few days ago, my dad sat me down and basically told me that I need to “let this go” because my brother is apparently “really struggling” and I made things worse by involving the cops. He said my brother feels like I betrayed him, and that I should be the bigger person and try to fix things.

Meanwhile, my brother? Yeah, no. He hasn’t apologized, hasn’t even acknowledged what he did. He’s just sulking around the house acting like I ruined his life. And now he’s trying to turn things on me, telling family members that I “overreacted” and made things way worse than they were.

I’ve completely checked out at this point. My parents are clearly more worried about keeping the peace than actually teaching him consequences, and I’m just tired of it. I’m looking at moving out sooner than I planned because...

...honestly, I don’t feel like being in a house where my own stuff isn’t safe and I’m the bad guy for expecting basic respect. Not sure if I’ll update again, but yeah, that’s where things stand. Didn’t think calling out theft would turn into a full family drama, but here we are.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the second update:

curiousjosh said:

Turn it around. Ask dad “is it a bigger problem if learns it is ok to steal, or if he’s hurt from a little valid feedback?” Or tell dad if he feels it’s no big deal, can he give you the $300? Wake dad up. See if he likes losing $300. NTA.

Own_Adeptness_3903 said:

Your parents are enabling him, and it’s only gonna get worse if they keep making excuses. Moving out sounds like the best move for your own sanity.

Own_Repair_4558 said:

NTA your brother needs to face consequences.

el_grande_ricardo said:

Ask your parents if they want to deal with this problem before your brother ends up in jail, or after? Because they WILL have to deal with it. And if he steals from someone outside the family, they won't brush it off as a phase or "family stuff." NTA.

SusanAkita2014 said:

NTA. I don’t blame you. They suck as parents. Treat the symptoms not the disease. Tell your parents they created the misfit now they can fix him.

DJ_HouseShoes said:

NTA. Take notes during these conversations with your parents. When they ask why, explain they are for the eventual sentencing hearing when you explain to the court that your brother will never learn his lesson unless he is made to leave his home and spend real time in jail.