20-year-old son points out that his 54-year-old father is 'just jealous' of his appearance. AITA?

"AITA for pointing out that my (20M) dad (54M) is just jealous of my appearance?"

My dad is quite overweight. We are the same height, but he weighs about 50 pounds more than me. He has large saggy breasts, a bulging potbelly, a very short neck, and a chubby face. I work out regularly and that's why I'm fit and in shape. Recently my dad has been more hostile toward me, repeatedly commenting on my appearance and diet.

He said that I need to eat more (he eats a lot at meals and for snacks, whereas I eat a moderate portion), and he says that working out everyday is bad for my health. I just do 20 minutes of cardio and free weights mostly at home, but he says that too much exercising will ruin my body.

He even scolds me when I occasionally skip a meal because I'm not that hungry. What he says has been getting on my nerves lately.

Last night I was going to the basement to exercise, and my dad told me that I already exercised everyday for the past 6 days. I said that I like to workout daily, and he said that I am going to end up like my sister (18f), who developed an eating disorder in middle school and because of that is short and underweight up to this day (though she recovered around 9th grade).

He said that for a long time she ate just 1 or 2 meals a day, and spends 2 to 3 hours exercising each day. (In fact I only skip a meal once in a while, and I exercise about 30 minutes per day).

He kept saying that my behavior is unhealthy, and that I need to take a break from exercising and not obsess over my appearance I explained that I'm not obsessing over my appearance, but I just want to stay healthy and de-stress regularly, and maintain heart and lung strength.

He still said that I am giving him flashbacks to when my sister had an eating disorder, and he said that he cannot repeat this mistake. He said that if his children have eating disorders, it reflects on his failures as a parent. I reiterated that I don't have body image issues, and that I just value physical fitness.

He kept lecturing and criticizing me, and finally I told him that he might just be jealous of my appearance because of how much he has been commenting on it lately. I said that if he wants to be healthy he should eat less and exercise a few times a week, and that it's better to be fit than overweight or underweight.

He got really angry and said that he cares about me and doesn't want me to have body image issues, and that it's a red flag that I exercise every single day. I said that I work out because I care about my health, not so much my appearance, and that if he was in shape he wouldn't have been so sore about it.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Kod4ever said:

YTA for the way you talked about your father and the general lack of love and respect you seem to have for him. He watched his other child almost die and doesn't want that to happen to you.

He might be uninformed on the subject but he loves you and is worried about you. You are a huge asshole. You don't have to change your habits but the lack of love and respect you have for your father who seems to love and care for you is so sad to see.

INeedToWorkOnMe said:

YTA. He is a father who watched his daughter almost kill herself. While he may be undereducated on disorders, he is expressing concern and love. Think of how that must have felt as a parent. Please try to simply educate him.

RandomA55h013 said:

ESH - Sounds like your Dad doesn't know what he's talking about and is just being a clown. However I think your attitude is excessive for a conversation with your father, who is apparently still supporting you if you're living in his house

I think you're right to correct him, but you should do it more constructively, pointing out the benefits to him, and if you wanted to wind him up a little bit you could start trying to encourage him to join you and show him evidence of how it will benefit him. He'll hate it, but you might be able to educate him and annoy him at the same time.

If my son spoke to me that way when he's 20, I would kick him out of my house. Mind you, if my son wanted to work out for 30 minutes each day I wouldn't criticise it, I'd view it as a good thing.

RoyallyOakie said:

NTA...Daily exercise is good for you. His incessant commentary is the real red flag here.

hungrytriathlete said:

NTA. There are many studies on how 30 minutes of exercise is the minimum people should get each day to have optimal health. I got so frustrated at my parents telling me that exercising everyday and eating a plant-centered diet was bad for me...

That I felt the urge to snap at my mom like you did. It’s hard to see my parents dealing with health issues because of their lifestyle, but that’s their life and the best I can do is live mine. Maybe see if you can get your dad involved in some light exercise with you, but your reaction to the constant criticism seems understandable.

togocann49 said:

You were fine until you just ignored his reasoning, and inserted your own. Dad is obviously projecting (sisters problem onto you), even said it straight up, and doesn’t seem to have the knowledge to know this is not even close to the same, but you doubled down on the jealous angle.

Esh-dad for not knowing real facts, and you for listening to part about your sister (and not trying to explain that this is not the same). And for the record, exercising has great long run benefits, and I hope you keep it up.

Cararacs said:

YTA. 1) there’s a decent chance you’ll look similar to your dad at his age. 2) over training can absolutely cause injuries that affect people for their whole lives. 3) your dad is acting on what he sees as early warning signs.

4) why not just compromise? A rest day is something that even world renowned trainers say is critical for the body to get the most out of workouts and recover. Incorporating a single rest day will do your body good and make your dad happy.

sashaopinion said:

YTA. You can't just jump to 'jealous' because your dad is making sure you are healthy. He's obviously seen one of his children suffer badly and is likely himself quite paranoid about it now, and instead of being a mature adult and explaining to him the difference between a healthy...

...balanced routine and a disorder you behaved immaturely and said 'oooh you're just jealous' which is incredibly childish. Grow up, not everyone wants to be you.