25-year-old woman tells her mom not to buy her any Christmas gifts that aren't on her 'list.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my mum not to buy my Christmas gifts if they’re not from the list I sent her?"
I know the title sounds bad, but bear with. I (F25) always send my mum a list of gifts - skincare, makeup, things I like and will use. For the last five years at least, she’s ignored these and got me things “on the same theme."
Think things like asking for a Taylor Swift vinyl and she picked a Coldplay one instead, because “it’s still a vinyl." I’ll asked for specific skincare because my skin is quite sensitive and she’ll just pick anything - I’ve ended up with so many products I can’t use because they’ll irritate my skin that end up getting donated to charity or she ends up using, because they just happen to be the things she likes.
One year, when I was about 17, I commented on a couple of things being cute in a shop for my cousin, who was about 8 at the time. It was fluffy notebooks, cute pens etc. something I would’ve liked at that age. She went and bought the whole range of fluffy notebooks and pens for me.
So this year I sent her a list and told her pretty much straight up, if you’re not going to use it, don’t bother and just give me cash instead. To be clear, I don’t send a list of tons and tons of items.
Just things I know I’ll use so she doesn’t waste on things I won’t use. She’s upset with me and thinks I’m being spoiled, but I just don’t want her to waste her money. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Inevitable_Pie9541 said:
NTA for being frustrated at receiving obtuse gifts, or gifts your mum sneakily bought for herself and is merely pretending to give you. But by this stage, she's obviously not going to pay any attention to your request to only buy for you off your list. When has she ever listened before? This behavior of hers won't change, no matter what you say to her or how you say it.
You're also clearly bitter that you take care with selecting gifts for her that you know she'd like with your limited resources. Well maybe stop doing that, when it only feeds your resentment of her not reciprocating. The only person whose behavior you can control is you.
ErikaPretty said:
You're not the ahole. You're just trying to be practical and avoid wasted gifts, especially when you've been clear about what you want.
HollieMacc said:
NTA. You're just trying to get gifts that *you* will actually use, not a bunch of random stuff that ends up collecting dust or going to charity. Honestly, it’s way more thoughtful to ask for cash or specific items than have her waste money on things that don’t work for you.
If you’ve made it clear why you prefer the list and she’s still upset, that’s more about her expectations than you being "spoiled." You’re just being practical, and it sounds like you’re trying to save both of you from the gift exchange disappointment.
a-_rose said:
NTA a gift is not a gift when you know the other person can’t or won’t use it. Giving you skincare that causes irritation knowing you have sensitive is cruel.
VelFerylia said:
NTA, I've been there too. It's frustrating when gifts miss the mark completely.
Freeverse711 said:
NTA. My mom does this, she asks me for a list, and when I send her stuff I like she tells me it’s boring and buys what she likes instead. Which sucks because these gifts normally just sit in a drawer or closet and then eventually gets thrown away.