My 80-ish year old mother in law lives about a mile from my husband and I. She is a wonderful person. She helps us and is kind and has great intentions. I love her dearly.
However, I am getting frustrated because she seems to think it is okay to walk into my home at any time without knocking, ringing the bell, or even letting us know she's coming over. If the doors are locked, she uses the spare key we gave her for emergencies.
It startles me. I'm not always wearing appropriate clothing for guests, especially since I have a toddler who doesn't allow me to close any doors (bedroom or bathroom) because she gets into everything if I do, even if its only for a minute or two.
My husband doesn't agree with my frustrations, but he did talk to her about ringing the bell. He said she can drop by anytime, but asked her not to just walk in. Even after the conversation, nothing changed. She just walked in again without letting us know she was even coming over.
I'm beyond frustrated. My husband is now upset with me and thinks I need to let it go. He says that she is family and that she should be able to just walk in anytime. He says that it is my issue and that I am the one who is the problem, not her. Am I the ahole for just wanting her to ring the doorbell when she comes over?
Nta. I’d change the locks or take her key away. Husband needs to understand it’s your home too, you deserve to be comfortable in you own home. If it were me as soon as I hear the door open I’m getting naked or start doing something weird. Make her feel uncomfortable.
NTA. Install a chain on the doors so she can't open them.
NTA...but you have a HUSBAND problem, my dear. He DOESN'T RESPECT YOUR PRIVACY OR FEELINGS. Install a chain lock on all of your doors. You will need one soon because your toddler will be old enough to open doors and escape naked down the road when you try and go to the bathroom for 15 seconds. (Trust me on this).
But...boundaries are good to have. Show your husband these comments. Asking for a phone call is not a big deal. It's a small ask. He should be able to get his mom to behave in a way that is only polite, FFS...
Even if I lived NEXT DOOR to my children I would fucking text for permission before coming over. They want to put a tiny home in their backyard for me...I would not go to the main house from there without texting...it's only polite. A d common sense.
NTA, she may be family, she may be wonderful, but it's your damn house. My petty ass can think of two options; install a deadbolt on the exterior doors, a spare key can't unlock a steel bar, or just only wear thong bikinis or something incredibly revealing that would make her uncomfortable to see you in. Nobody gets hurt and maybe she'll learn her lesson.
Your husband is the issue here, not MIL.
NTA but give one of your family member a key and just text them randomly to come over and see how he likes it.