'AITA for abandoning my family at an all inclusive after my wedding?'
"AITA for abandoning my family at an all inclusive after my wedding?"
We had our wedding at an all inclusive. It was beautiful and since we were having a small wedding it was cheaper than having a big wedding in town. We chose one with very inexpensive flights and subsidized any guest who wanted to come but might have trouble covering the cost.
We had 50 guests. The plan was for everyone to come down before the wedding, spend a few days enjoying the sun, and then celebrate with us. My mother got it into her head that this should be a family reunion.
She didn't want my new husband's family there so her plan was to contact our side of the family and tell them to shift their reservations so that they would be coming later and staying after the wedding. She also invited other people for after the wedding.
As long as they were part of my wedding block that was allowed by the hotel. We actually got a little kickback from a few that overlapped my wedding day. Anyway my mom didn't inform me.
But the hotel did because some of the extras wanted the group price even though they weren't going to be there until after the wedding. I was upset but my mom goes into hysterics if confronted. My husband and I decided to just roll with it.
The wedding and reception went beautifully. The day following the wedding I ran into sine family that I had not invited. For a reason. However we ran into them in the lobby on our way to the Airport.
My husband and I decided not to have our honeymoon at that resort. Instead we flew to one on the other side of the country. Goodbye Caribbean hello Pacific. My mom blew up my phone wondering where we were. I told her we went on our honeymoon in Baja California.
She lost her marbles. She had told everyone that I was cool with the plan. I missed the hysterics which I appreciated. She is still upset and said I was ungrateful and childish after all she did. I bit my tongue instead of yelling at her for inviting people I dislike to my wedding. And on my honeymoon.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Worth-Season3645
NTA…but I think you need to grow a spine and stop letting your mom have her way because you don’t want to deal with her hysterics. Start setting your boundaries. And figure out ways to deal if she gets hysterical.
Walk away, just give her the stare or tell you will not listen to her. Next time do not bite your tongue. Because if you do not nip in the bud now, just imagine what life will be like if you decide to have.
Facetunethis
I don't know if you've had a high conflict mother but sometimes what the OP did is all you can do. Her mother would have ruined her wedding before letting her "get away with this" if she had any forewarning at all.
dart1126
NTA. "Anyway my mom didn’t inform me." Haha, well, too bad for her. She tried to hijack her own daughters wedding for her own agenda/ event. How can she be mad that when you didn’t ‘know’ (as far as she was concerned by deliberately not telling you) about her plans, that you went on a honeymoon somewhere else?
Good for you. Your mom sounds like a piece of work and I’m glad you started your married life showing her it’s not flying…but, you are.
Shichimi88
Nta. Time to go lc or nc with your mom. Have some boundaries. Otherwise she stomping all over you. Wait till she invites the same people to your child’s birth.
Marzipan_civil
Nta. She told all these people that you were cool with it... When she knew you wouldn't be, or she would have told you.
AlarmedBechamel
LOL - NTA but, I think OP knows that and just needs validation. Who on earth thinks that a couple wants to spend their honeymoon at a reunion? At best the couple could have stayed for a breakfast or lunch the day after but, Mom didn't communicate or ask.
asperitasilver
NTA. Why on earth do these people speak for us, saying we will do thus-and-such or we want the other thing, and then get pissed at US when we don't just meekly fall in line? Do they really think we owe it to them to let them do that to us? You got yourself into this, you manipulative a%$hat, get yourself out.
Good job. You did what you wanted for YOUR wedding and honeymoon and didn't let her dictate what would happen. It's a little disturbing that you won't confront her because she'll have hysterics. She's not a force of nature.
She's a human (sort of) who makes choices, and she has the hysterics very, very intentionally, knowing that people letting her have her way to avoid it will be the result. Let her have the hysterics.
Do what you want anyway. You don't have to react or engage with her. Sorry if I'm lecturing, I was raised by three narcissists and narc-type manipulative behavior makes me airsick.
Glass_Ear_8049
NTA and don’t listen to the comments that say you are. Your mother set herself up by trying to orchestrate YOUR honeymoon. What an intrusive witch. You did a wonderful job of letting her do her thing and not letting it disrupt your life.
NTA…Here is the gist…As far as this instance, OP is most definitely NTA and did the right thing. I cannot imagine staying just because mom had other plans. And her honeymoon plans were already booked. I think the rest of my response was not based off of her overall question, but a statement made within her post.
“Something along the lines of no one likes to confront mom because she becomes hysterical”. So, that is where my post came into play. I then stated in my reply to my original post, that because my original post did not really refer to the main question from the OP, I did not know if I should delete my reply or not because it has had so many comments)…
But I think you need to grow a spine and stop letting your mom have her way because you don’t want to deal with her hysterics. Start setting your boundaries. And figure out ways to deal if she gets hysterical.
Walk away, just give her the stare or tell you will not listen to her. Next time do not bite your tongue. Because if you do not nip in the bud now, just imagine what life will be like if you decide to have kids someday.