'AITA for 'abandoning' my family to continue my transient lifestyle?'
"AITA for 'abandoning' my family to continue my transient lifestyle?"
I (23M) have worked a series of seasonal jobs since my graduation from college in spring of 2024. I typically stick to the national parks. These jobs take me all over the country, show me things I'd never otherwise see, and introduce me to some of the most amazing people this world has to offer. I love the challenges posed by every job and location. This lifestyle makes me happy.
My mother (62F), however, feels differently. She likes having me close and knowing I’m safe. I can’t blame her. How could you blame a mom for worrying about her son? The issue is the way she acts every time I leave home.
It’s always a fight. She feels that I'm abandoning her, acting selfishly, and never fails to remind me that “one day I won’t be here anymore” and how regretful I’ll be when that day comes.
Every time I find another job away from home, it crushes her. She expects me to stay home, get a safe job with benefits, and begin saving for retirement. But I’m in my 20s, I don’t want to do that. I don’t know what I want for my life and I'm not going to stagnate around my hometown while I try to figure it out.
I have also tried to play her game before. Following a summer job working as a security guard, I got very interested in law enforcement. I joined my hometown sheriff’s office and moved back home. I loved that job.
I lived at home, got great benefits, and had a lot of fun. But that department was stuck in time and was going to end up on the wrong side of history, so I resigned and went back to what I was good at.
I just had an interview for a job at grand canyon national park and have been told to expect a job offer in the coming days. If offered, I intend to accept. I just got home from my last seasonal job and I know it’ll be an absolute fight if I tell her I’ve gotten another.
I do my best to be home for holidays and birthdays but if I get this job, i’ll be spending my first Christmas away from home and she’ll be devastated. My father and her don’t have the closest relationship and my three older sisters, all of whom live in the area, really make no extra effort to be attentive to our mom.
I love my mom and I'm the biggest mama’s boy you’ll ever meet. But I don’t want to spend my entire youth appeasing her. I’m wracked with guilt every time I leave home but know I’ll be regretful when I’m older for not taking advantage of these opportunities. Life out there makes me happy. AITA for leaving my family to continue being a transient?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. A parent's job is to give their children the skills they need to succeed in life in whatever way they define success. What you're doing is awesome and you should be proud of that. Your mom is, frankly, being selfish and a bad parent by guilting you into being there for her rather than letting you live your life.
Go forth and do all the National Park jobs. Its a great life to live.
Sincerely,
A dad.
NTA! Honestly the fact that you still use live there as your home base between seasonal jobs is something she should be happy about. She needs to realize that by guilting you into staying with her she is only making you less comfortable around her. She sounds like she has abandonment issues :(
Being a "mama's boy" is not something to brag about - it's a sign that you are being emotionally abused. Please do a google search on "mother-son enmeshment" and "emotional incest", and maintain your boundaries with your mother.
You are not her husband, her life partner, her emotional support, or anything else. Your mother is trying to force you in a sub-adult role with her and this is NOT healthy.
NTA. You live for yourself, not your mother. Take the job and just calmly repeat, "I love you," whenever she expresses her (inappropriate, smothering) desire to have you home.
As you get older, you'll teach yourself to hear her bellyaching as affection rather than criticism. Deep down, she knows you weren't going to be a child forever. Kids grow up -- and she likely does take pride in you even if she's bad at showing it.
NTA. One of the best quotes I ever read that helped me live life for myself was something along the lines of To live a fully realized life you have to get comfortable with the fact that you will at some point disappoint your parents.
NTA. You need to live your life for you. Your mom is incredibly selfish to be guilting you into a life you don’t want. My children are still very young but I can only hope they will explore their world to the fullest extent that they want. I’ll miss them immensely but that is secondary to my want for them to follow every dream and whim they have.
Two of my sons moved out within the last month (23 and 19). I miss them so much! But my job is to be cheering them on as they walk out to start their own life. I am proud of them and love hearing from them, but I know I was a bit clingy when my firstborn moved out and I don't think it was helpful to him.
Your mom likely will figure this out. Visit, call, write her postcards. She loves you a lot. But you are a man and need to "seek your fortune", like the fairy tales say.
NTA. You can't live your life for another person, you just can't. And your mother is being selfish. Your a grown man, and deserve to make your way in the world how you see fit. If you get the job, I would keep it secret till the last minute so she doesn't sabotage you leaving.
NTA. Live your life for yourself, not for others. However, as someone who recently lost a parent I recommend spending lots of quality time with them while you can. Go do your thing and travel and live your life but make sure to visit on holidays, call your mom and make an effort to keep in touch.