'AITA for telling my wife I absolutely will not allow our kids in any of her content?'
"AITA for telling my wife I absolutely will not allow our kids in any of her content?"
thepatriotclubhouse
My wife runs a TikTok/Instagram account where she posts her routine as a mother, what she cooks, how she exercises, our house etc. The accounts have picked up some steam to be honest where they're viable sources of income.
She's hit a plateau growing however. She claims her biggest obstacle to growth right now is the fact that I am unrelenting in even allowing a single appearance of our kids(aged 13, 7 and 4) in these videos. Most "mommy" influencers do this, it's kind of the point.
She says our kids would be absolutely perfect. They're extremely well behaved, do very well in school and are exceedingly intelligent for their age and are very cute. She's got the kids to want to. The videos would be very innocent. But I don't think literal children are capable of consenting to an online presence.
She argues that with the money we earn, this career of hers is the single best chance we have of providing them with a proper advantaged life, with a college fund, etc. And she's honestly right.
They miss out on a massive amount of opportunities because of our income. And this seems to seriously have potential. She acknowledges that an online presence while it comes with some sacrifices, isn't as big of a sacrifice as foregoing college or a financially stable home.
She says no kid nowadays is going to mind the extra online "clout" and in fact would be grateful for it. She promises she wouldn't do any of the weird invasive stuff a lot of tiktok familys do and would confer with me and the kids before she posted anything.
I was pretty stuck to my guns at the start, but now Im not so sure. I don't look forward to telling my kids when they grow up that the reason there isn't money for college and they don't have an online following of 100s of thousands is because I said no.
I agree with myself in principle here for sure and always have. But in practice, in my own case here, I'm having doubts.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Falling83
NTA.
With online comes both positive and negative sides. Safety is always a concern.
IrrelevantManatee
NTA. Don't cave in. Your boundary is very reasonable. Your kids might like it now, but they will regret later.
They are kid, not cheap labor to get some internet fame points.
The OP responded here:
thepatriotclubhouse
It's not just fame points. It's real money. Money that potentially could give us the financial security we always wanted and maybe even more. I'd argue the kids have a right to choose when they're older. She'd argue the kids choices are already being restricted by a lack of money.
Kukka63
NTA, I can understand that it may generate extra income but what about your children's privacy and choice.
followme6969
NTA kids well-being is the most important.
Pauscha580
NTA. It is never a good idea to publicize your children to make money. Screenshots are a thing and it's proven that TikToks of children get saved for really bad reasons. Not to mention how easy it is to track a person down through the internet. Just say no. If she wants more money in the household she should get a job and not use her children.
Peony-Pony
NTA Your children are 13, 7 and 4 years old. They have their entire lives ahead of them. They don't need to look back and regret their parents posted videos of them on social media when they were minor children.
hannaeus
NTA. You are just protecting your children. Espacially the two younger ones just do not know what it means to appear online and that it will be there forever. The oldest one can maybe decide on his/her own if he/she want's to appear - with a blurred face! - in one year or two.
mrrigan
NTA. There's also a couple TikTok accounts from kids who used to be part of these "family blogs" and now, as adults, they talk about how damaging it was for them. It's also a little worrisome that you feel like they'll care so much about having followers in the future.
Like, do you want to rise internet celebrities or do you want them to go to college? It's ok if your wife wants to chance fame, she's an adult who (I hope) understands the consequences of having a large fanbase. Your kids are just that, kids.
Neat_Low6939
NTA, I feel like this is a slippery slope. She was fine not showing the kids until she wasn’t getting enough new followers, now she wants to show the kids. Next she will plateau again and then do all the invasive stuff she said she wouldn’t do. It’s a trap, there will always be more likes, more followers, more sponsorships… at a cost, the lines and your morals get blurred.
IF you decide to move forward with showing your children I would suggest setting up a college fund for the kids to deposit their share into immediately if you haven’t already. I would also set up absolute boundaries with what sort of content you all are comfortable with and that will be nonnegotiable in the future. Set it in writing.
Furthermore I would keep checking in on your wife, momfluencer culture can be very damaging for the mom and children involved as it becomes “performative motherhood”, there are some great studies online of the effects of this lifestyle on both children and parents involved. Just stay educated and cautious, set boundaries. You’re not TA for wanting to protect your children.
radiant_rebel1
NTA. Keep kids away from online stuff till they're old enough to understand. Safety first!