'AITA for accidentally letting my sister in law get chemical burns on her face?' + UPDATE
"AITA for accidentally letting my sister in law get chemical burns on her face?"
My husband (26M) and I (26F) bought our first home 7 months ago. His younger sister (16F), who just got her license, frequently shows up unannounced and has trouble taking ‘no’ for an answer.
Last Friday, she came over after dinner and asked to stay the night. We agreed since we had no plans. She asked to shower, so we let her use ours, as our guest bathroom isn’t stocked yet.
I splurge on salon-quality haircare products because my hair is unruly, and my $27 shampoo bottle was brand new. Later, I found half the shampoo and nearly all the conditioner gone, along with my skincare scattered across the counter. She’d used almost $50 worth of hair products, and all of my skin stuff including my prescription skincare stored in a pharmacy bag.
I asked her to bring her own products next time, as I wasn’t comfortable with how much she used. I was in no way rude I just explained the I splurge on really expensive products and can’t afford to have 50+ dollars of product gone everytime she showers here. She called me selfish in a passive aggressive way and ended up leaving.
By Tuesday, her skin was red, peeling, and breaking out terribly. At dinner with my in-laws Tuesday, she blamed me for not warning her about my skincare. I explained I hadn’t expected her to dig through my drawers and use prescription products, which are expensive and took my skin weeks to adjust to.
My Father in Law said I should pay for a doctor visit, but my husband refused, arguing that at 16, she should know better and that it was inappropriate for her to look through my medicine bag to even find the prescription product that was likely the culprit for the irritation.
Am I at fault for not warning her? I wouldn’t go through someone’s personal products, let alone use their stuff like it was my own. I would’ve been happy to share some skin products, not my prescription cream. She also brought up that I got mad she used so much shampoo and conditioner and basically made me look really bad in front of my in laws.
Admittedly I was upset about the shampoo and conditioner and the fact that she left a huge mess on the counter, but I was very calm and just explained money is tight as we just bought our house and I didn’t want her to use months of products in one shower. Anyways let me know what you all think?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. She is old enough to read a label and see cream is prescription. Definitely need to set boundaries here with her.
Educational-Rest4256 (OP)
yep husband and I are both cutting out the sleepovers and unannounced visits after this. She not only could tell it was prescription but I keep the cream separate in the paper pharmacy bag in the drawer. So she also was looking through my prescriptions when she came across it.
Your sister-in-law used your personal products without asking, including a prescription cream that she shouldn’t have touched. It’s not your fault that she had a reaction, you didn’t invite or encourage her to use them, and at 16, she’s old enough to understand boundaries and basic respect for others' belongings.
You weren’t wrong to calmly address the shampoo/conditioner situation either. She’s twisting the story to make you look bad, but your husband is right, this is on her, not you. It’s frustrating that your in-laws are siding with her, but you’ve done nothing wrong here.
I can also see maybe if I had left this product mixed in with everything else, but I always keep it in the paper pharmacy bag so I don’t lose my Rx number for refills. So she chose to look through my personal medication sack.
Even if u kept with everything else she should have asked. Tell your inlaws they owe you for what she used. NTA.
She used prescription products and your in-laws want you to take responsibility. Nah. They need to teach her to read (not being mean, what she did is dangerous).
NTA - Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch. She got what she deserved, and should have learned a lesson instead of bad-mouthing you to your in-laws. They're messed up to want *you,* the victim of this brat's theft, to pay for the consequences to her actions... I'd fill a shampoo bottle with Nair the next time she pops over...
NTA - you couldn't have prevented her from using your skin products if she said she would only take a shower (implying she'd use only shower gel and shampoo). She shouldn't have messed with your skin products if she didn't know anything about them.
You didn’t accidentally let her do anything. She used your personal products without permission and didn’t have the sense to see that some of them were by prescription.
This is 100% on her for stealing things she wasn’t offered, acting like it was her right to do so then whining when, oh no, there were actual consequences to her selfishness. And where does FIL get off trying to get you to pay for her doctor visit to sort out what she did to herself?
This whole thing is nuts. From now on, lock up all your personal products when she’s around and get better at saying no until she learns respect for other people’s things and understands that she can’t just take whatever she wants. NTA.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Just tell her parents that she learned a valuable life lesson; where there’s an action, there’s always a consequence.
The OP then returned with an update after hearing from readers.
Educational-Rest4256 (OP)
Clarifications since this is blowing up:
I didn’t have extra products for guests because we just got settled in well after doing renovations on the house and we haven’t had any other overnight guests. She has spent the night one other time and there were no issues so we let it slide that night when she arrived and asked to stay.
We also let her stay sometimes because her parents are not the best. They fight bad, dad drinks a ton, messy environment that my husband absolutely hated as a teen.
We tried to provide a safe space. Obviously now she has lost that privilege. Husband and I both told her she isn’t welcome back indefinitely. We have cameras, no one on my husbands side has a key for obvious reasons.
She likely wasted the products to be rude. She has had jealousy/ attention issues in the past because my husband spends more time with me than with her. She has attention seeking issues for sure. I thought these issues had gotten better with age, but obviously after this situation I see it’s the same.
She has twisted the story to make me look worse. In Laws changed their tune after we explained what really happened, but they still aren’t happy that she is suffering. Trust me yall I am standing up for myself that is why she isn’t allowed back. Also why i set her parents straight on what happened and reminded them using someone else’s prescription is illegal.
Hey OP, your husband has your back and his family's back? It seems like you communicate well and have a solid family unit. Bravo team, the in-laws can kick rocks.
Thanks for this - glad you are keeping your new home safe!