'AITA for accusing my ex-wife of neglecting our 6-year old-daughter by forcing a vegan diet?'

"AITA for accusing my ex-wife of neglecting our 6-year old-daughter by forcing a vegan diet on her?"

I (30M) have a daughter we will call Dyann with my ex-wife (46F). We were only together for 3 years. I met my ex at 22 years old, we married when I was 24 and had Dyann, then at 25 we divorced.

Near the end of our relationship my ex turned vegan, which hurt our already rocky marriage as she immediately all the sudden wanted me, our daughter and even my two dogs to become vegan (she found this "amazing'"vegan dog food that we tried once and the dogs had diarrhea for about 12 hours after trying it for the first time).

My daughter also, hated the vegan food, and my wife hated that I wouldn't force her to eat it. I myself also hated the vegan food. My ex-wife married Dyann's step dad, and this is where I think the problems started as my wife didn't really force our daughter to be vegan till step dad came along.

Our custody arrangement is Dyann comes to me on weekends, and goes to her moms during the week. For the past year my ex-wife and her husband have had our daughter on a full vegan diet whenever she's over there and tries to get me to enforce the diet but I haven't. She's also been "educating" our daughter on the terribleness of the meat and diary industry.

The result is a daughter that I think is not getting the proper nutrients as she's always groggy, she's been less energetic, she's very irritable, and seems to always be tired. That enough is a concern, but she also cries every time she comes over and sees my dogs chase a squirrel because its hurting animals, cries if the clothes I have here might have wool in them because it hurts to sleep...

She cries when she sees honey in my cabinet cause it took harming bees for that, cries if anything involves eggs or milk because were stealing from cows and chickens. She constantly talks about the poor cows and chickens are hurt in farms. My daughter was never like this before.

She's been so sad lately, won't even color with crayons "cause it took animals to get those" and it breaks my heart. I own 11 hens, Dyann used to love helping with these hens like collecting their eggs and named all of them. But now, she cries and begs me not to hurt chickens and stop stealing their babies. I don't use my chickens for meat, only eggs, and I don't have rooster yet to fertilize the eggs.

Yet my ex-wife seems to have her convinced I am a bad person and my chickens are suffering everyday. I take good care of those chickens for anyone wondering. All this stuff didn't happen over night, its been more gradual and has gotten extreme lately.

My daughter used to be such a happy girl and healthy girl but now I feel her health has gone down and her she's seems so sad all the time. I didn't quite know what to do, and I still don't but I decided to chat with my ex-wife about around a week or two ago.

When I showed up at her house on Friday to grab Dyann and take her to my house I asked to talk. The conversation went something like I asked her about what she teaches Dyann about veganism, my ex-wife said she explained to Dyann all the things that go on inside farms...

I asked her if she's telling Dyann I am a bad person and said basically "if she comes to the natural conclusion based on the truth" and then I asked if hers been monitoring our daughter's health and she said it isn't my concern and the diet is healthy.

It is totally my concern. And from there I got angry and it turned into an argument where during I said my wife was hurting Dyann by forcing this diet on her. My ex-wife did not like this and she started screaming at me, and in a moment I am not proud of I screamed back. Luckily Dyann was still inside the house getting ready to go. The argument stopped when she came outside and I left.

My wife has now involved my family who I am low contact with (long history there, I dated a guy in my teens. They didn't like that, divorced my wife and they also didn't like that), and now my family is telling me not to be so cruel to the mother of my child. I do not feel I was cruel. I feel I was honest.

My daughter literally seems depressed. I am not proud for yelling at my ex-wife but I also feel I was justified in my anger at her. I don't care what my wife does, I care how it impacts Dyann. I don't have many people to talk to and I am feeling a bit guilty after all of that. I shouldn't have screamed and I have never really addressed this stuff properly with Dyann. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

miyuki_m said:

NTA, but instead of arguing with your ex, you need to get your daughter to a doctor and a therapist to assess her physical and mental health. If your ex tries to stop you, call your lawyer.

Sensitive_Pen_7819 said:

NTA, this is about your daughter’s wellbeing, not a lifestyle debate. Document everything and get professionals involved for her sake.

JDMplsmarryme said:

NTA, but please get your daughter a doctor and therapist appointment. And talk to a lawyer, she's putting the kid in danger.

JoffreeBaratheon said:

YTA if you don't lawyer up.

epidemiwhat847 said:

NTA. Veganism is not inherently bad for kids if done right with the guidance of a nutritionist and pediatrician, I chose veganism myself as a kid on my own and my parents supported my decision as long as I did so with help. I highly doubt that’s what is happening here. No kid should be forced on any diet, period, especially one that isn’t meeting their basic nutritional needs.

ACM915 said:

NTA but you need to hire an attorney like yesterday. Your wife is damaging your daughter by not ensuring that she is getting the proper vitamins and nutrients for a growing child. Ignore all the noise from the naysayers and all the negativity from these people get your daughter to a doctor and then get an attorney and save your child.