"AITA for accusing my brother's GF of being a gold digger?"
Hi, I am writing this today to ask if AITA for thinking and accusing my brothers girl friend for being a gold digger? my mother thinks i am TA. My brother (30m) and his girlfriend (26) a French international college student have been dating for around 6 months, I was suspicious of her slowly over time
My brother isn't exactly rich but he can live an extremely comfortable lifestyle with his previous job but he has recently found he wanted more in life and he joined the Navy, which is amazing, however, back when he was still working for his previous company he met his now current GF.
They moved in with each other almost instantly because he wanted to help make life more affordable while she studied, which ok but whatever, my brother has been abused in the past by an ex wife so perhaps i am just overly protective BUT my suspicions started when, every single time we all would go out as a family:
Myself (39F), My Husband (48M), My brother (30M), his GF (26F), our mother (65F) and my daughter (5F) She would always order the most expensive meals : Ribeye steak, Surf n Turf, Lobster carbonara etc etc and when the bill came, she would just sit there and watch everyone pulling out our cards and then look at my brother sipping her drink.
He'd say he's covering her share, and she wouldn't even say thank you!, now once or twice that's fine, lord knows i've covered my husband or vice versa but it has been every. single. time!! like clockwork, bill comes, she sits back - doesn't even pretend to get her wallet, looks at my brother and sips her drink.
now the same thing happens with ANY purchases, the odd occasions we all would go out shopping, she'd get expensive brand name items and look at him to pay, doesn't even offer or say "no it's ok" just.. like she expects it!
I have just found out as well that she doesn't even pay rent or utilities, it's all on my brother and he isn't even living there anymore during his Navy training! Sshe approached me about asking if i could help her get her name onto his bank accounts as her visa is running out shortly and that'll help her stay in the country on a new visa.
I said no, i also told my mother and father about it, and they are disgusted with ME! that i need to stay out of my brothers life and just support his choices because "it isn't worth damaging your relationship with him over a girl"
Like WHAT? she's also mentioned "anything could happen" referring to having a baby! when the topic came up with myself, her and my mother on if I want a second baby even though medically i cannot, her comment sounded weird, so i asked her "are you going to purposely get pregnant?"
And she just shrugged and repeated "well anything can happen" ... which is then when i accused her of being a gold digger looking to trap my brother.. she got upset and left, my mother said that i was out of line and i feel like i'm going insane! please tell me AITA or is there actually red flags?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
JadeArgonar said:
From what's written, it doesn't sound like you've voiced any of your concerns to your brother. You got in the woman's face and accused her of being a gold digger. Even if you're right, your brother could be okay with spending his money that way. YTA
Fit_Welder7649 said:
YTA She maybe a gold digger but does your brother have a problem with spending so much money on her? If not, then it's none of your business.
Blnk_crds_inf_stakes said:
I mean it sounds like the two of them have an understanding that he pays for everything, so you’re kinda wrong for judging her for that. And it sounds like you were open about that and that’s rude. That being said, her looping you into their joint finances tips it in your favor, that’s a crazy request.
TheLawLord said:
It’s your brother’s gold that’s being dug, and it’s up to him to shut down the mine if he tires of being drilled. YTA.
Brash_Berrie1123 said:
YTA and NTA I think she is a gold digger, but it's your brother's business, and let him find out for himself just for you to be right
And Any_Conversation7438 said:
Soft YTA. I understand your concern and I wouldn’t want to see my brother in a relationship like you described either, but it’s HIS relationship. Have you ever talked to him about what he wants out of a partner? Maybe this is the lifestyle he likes? In the end, it’s his business and his job to correct any issues with his gf. If you gently brought the issue up with him and shared your concerns, I think you would be ok, but the way you went about it is the issue