"AITA for accusing our dad of not loving us?"
My (26M) mom was amazing, sweet yet firm, a total rockstar. My dad, on the other hand, treated us like burdens. He made constant comments every year on our birthdays saying “only this many more years until you’re 18 and you’re out of my house. He always said it in a “joking” way, but even from a young age, my brothers and I knew he was not joking.
Unfortunately, our mom died when we were teens. The comments ramped up at that point. Sure enough, my oldest brother turned 18, he was gifted a 2 week eviction notice. As he’s a few years older than my other brother and I, we were able to prepare a little more so we weren’t totally blindsided at 18.
We had always figured we’d have to move out after graduation, but hadn’t foreseen he truly meant right after we turned 18, even though all of us have fall or winter birthdays, so we were still in high school for several months after. We just accepted it as reality.
I’m the youngest and when I turned 17, my dad got a calendar and began marking down the days until I turned 18. It was a daily countdown where he’d mark the days off. My brothers and I didn’t talk to our dad for a while after moving out, but eventually my eldest brother’s wife had a baby and my dad started showing up again.
He is arguably a better grandfather than he ever was a dad so when I became a dad 5 years ago, I allowed him around my child. Though, I admit, becoming a dad myself made me realize how wrong my dad was. I love my little girl so much. Sure, fatherhood is not easy but I am certainly not counting down the days until she’s 18.
If she wants, she could live with me forever. I find myself actually sad at how fast the time is going. I entered fatherhood unplanned and actually do 90% of it on my own as her mom is barely around (long story), but I still wouldn’t change a thing.
Last month, my daughter started kindergarten. She is very independent and just walked on in, no issues. I held it together but admit I broke down crying when I got back to my car because she’s just growing up so damn fast. I work at my eldest brother’s restaurant and showed up for my shift a hot mess. He was comforting me as he’s been there with his own kids.
Our dad stopped by for breakfast and asked what was wrong. He laughed when we explained and said I was too damn soft. I said it must be foreign to him to see what a loving father is actually like. This pissed our dad off and he started arguing with me, saying it was disgusting I accused him of not loving us. He kept saying he was “from a different time.”
While my eldest brother doesn’t take issue with what I said, my second eldest brother told me I was wrong to accuse him of not loving us and said it puts words in his mouth.
He also said it was just starting shit as my dad has gotten better and has been trying. It’s been a month since the incident and my dad refuses to see my daughter since I said this and she misses her grandpa. It’s left me wondering if I’m the ahole.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Current_Equal7797 said:
NTA. Leopards don’t change their spots. By cutting off your daughter, that man just proved your point.
Both-Enthusiasm708 said:
NTA and the fact that he is punishing your daughter because of this shows that he has not changed. He just didn't like to hear the criticism and is lashing out like a child. He hid his ahole nature to be a "good" grandfather, but apparently he couldn't suppress his true self for too long. If he comes back around remember that he if he was willing to hurt your daughter once, he will a second time.
kipsterdude said:
NTA. I’m so sick of people blaming being from a different time. Kick your motherless child out at 18? Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool. Maybe he’s “better” now, but he can’t undo kicking his children out of their home once they’re legally no longer his burden.
SentimentalO said:
NTA. So your dad is mad at you because he thinks he IS a loving person and is proving it by abandoning his relationship with your daughter, his grand daughter? No, no, no. If this happened to me, this would be the first and last time I allowed this emotionally abusive person to harm my daughter. You have not needed him since you were 18. You daughter does not need him either.
cosmicdancer84 said:
NTA - Your daughter is innocent, she shouldn't be punished. You're a father now, do what's best for your kid and cut this man off.
Upbeat-Pineapple-332 said:
NTA. He is not better, he is lonely and afraid of the future.