'AITA for admitting I resent my mom remarrying and making a blended family when we struggled financially?'

"AITAH for admitting I resent my mom remarrying and making a blended family when we struggled financially after her remarriage?"

I (19M) don't live at home anymore and I have a really difficult relationship with my mom (47F). When I was 6 my dad died. Mom was left raising four kids on her own. I have an older brother and two younger sisters. 18 months after dad died mom remarried. Her husband was a widower with 5 kids from his first marriage and two stepkids he was raising.

Neither my mom or her husband had much going into the marriage. Her husband had issues with money and spending/gambling. He was in debt when they got married and they knew each other 6 months before they decided to make a blended family. The debt stopped them getting a decent size house so we ended up in a three bedroom place where there was a boy's room and a girl's room.

So we shared regardless of bio or step relationships. It was all down to whether we were boys or girls. There was no money for toys or activities. Food was really strictly managed. We had three small meals and no snacks. We all got free lunches and I used to get shit for not sharing what I got with one of the steps who got bullied and would have their lunch messed with every day.

Me and my brother shared a bed and mom would always go crazy that one of us wouldn't share with her husband's youngest son who had nightmares and already woke us up during the night. Mom thought I'd be a good choice since I was generally good with kids but I didn't want to sleep with the kid. I never saw the steps as siblings.

So it was really weird to be told I should share a bed and not just a room with one of them. My mom's husband would try to get me and my brother to help him out with chores and stuff. We'd fight most days because we didn't want to help him and he wasn't our dad and we weren't ashamed to tell him that either.

He'd try and say he did so much for us but we knew about his money issues so we didn't care about his rants. Mom would always cry about us not making the most of the new family. She hated that we split into real sibling groups instead of blending into one sibling group. It was always a big deal.

And the fact we resented sharing rooms with the steps and so many kids in general was something she resented me and my older brother for especially. She told us once she expected better from the two of us because we were older and should help make the "family" work.

The fights got worse when me and my brother started working part time and we used some of the money to treat our younger siblings only. We never bought stuff for the steps. Or for her and her husband. One time my brother had money saved and mom's husband couldn't pay the bills. They wanted my brother to give the money and he refused. They were yelling at each other for hours.

He moved out just before he turned 18 and then he got a place with two of his friends. I followed as soon as I turned 18 and they let me move in with them. We still keep in touch with our siblings but contact with mom has been very limited and my brother has none.

Mom's really upset we just left and basically cut all contact. I was talking to her recently and she said she doesn't understand how we ended up here. She said she felt like she was being punished for falling in love again and trying to give us a better life.

I told her she gave us a way worse life. Mom told me that wasn't fair and I said it was. I admitted I resented her for remarrying when she made life worse by marrying a guy with more kids and all that debt who never really tried to turn things around. I said losing dad was already awful and we didn't need more bad.

She tried to lecture me on how money doesn't mean everything and we could've had a bigger family if we wanted to accept them but we never did and the way we were spoiled to think she should have stayed single to have more money. I just ended the call and ignored the texts she followed up with that said I had no good reason to judge her. AITAH?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

cassowary32 wrote:

I don’t understand how the math worked in your mom’s head. Tripling the number of kids with a broke gambler improved your lives, how?? NTA.

OP responded:

In her head she looks at it as more people was better than less and no it really really wasn't.

Loose-chemical4982 wrote:

NTA. Your mom made choices that benefitted her, not her children, and that's not what a parent is supposed to do. It wasn't up to you to make her relationship work and she heavily parentified you and your older sibling at your emotional and developmental expense

She'll never understand that because she's emotionally immature Good luck with your future - I hope you two oldest will be able to give your younger sisters some assistance when they are old enough to GTFO of there too.

OP responded:

We will and we promised them we'd have room for them.

Horror-friendship30 wrote:

NTA. In fact, contact the Social Security Administration. Find out if benefits were paid out on your behalf to your mother from your deceased father's number. If so, that means she collected for all four of you from your father's death benefits and has been supporting the six of them. That would make her even worse than you thought, but would explain why the leech stuck with her.

OP responded:

They were both collecting social security. He gambled most of it away. Just like he gambled away a bunch of their money and his own before.

Vestiel wrote:

She remarried just 18 months after your father died and to a guy who had such issues? Seriously? She's right that money doesn't mean everything and that you could've had a bigger family. What she doesn't see though is that her arguments are meaningless when they cause so much drama in your life.

She didn't think it through at all. She only cared about herself.

How old are your sisters? Hopefully they are 18 soon and will be done with the mother too.

OP responded:

One will be 18 soon and the youngest will be 18 a year after her. So not too much longer and we'll have space for them.

kappybook916 wrote:

NTA. Well done for moving out and onward in your own life. Your mom is in the FO portion of FAFO. I would imagine her husband’s kids will treat him the same. They didn’t want this either. They will soon have a home that is empty and devoid of any visitors.

Be sure to set the expectation NOW that NONE of you are their retirement/nursing home plans. Their guilt trips are worthless and will hit you all like teflon.

OP responded:

His stepkids have. But they had issues beyond that stuff too.

fartypie69 wrote:

NTA but your mom is a real pos. Who tf does this to her own kids and then plays the victim?

What an awful person.