'AITA for adopting a dog after I thought my boyfriend broke up with me?' 'He's HORRIBLY allergic.'
"AITA for adopting a dog after I thought my boyfriend broke up with me?"
My boyfriend was going through a tough time, and he said he needed a break. He said he was going to press pause on our relationship and go visit his family in Washington. I asked how you pause a relationship, because I don't understand how that works. He said he needed some time to work on himself and asked me to respect that.
After he left I reached out to him a few times via text asking him to let me know he arrived safe and to say hi to his mom for me. I received no response. I tried to call and left a message asking if he had broken up with me.
I came to the conclusion that he'd ghosted me, and my friends agreed. I was bummed, and my best friend recommended I find something like a new hobby or a new show to watch that wouldn't make me think of my boyfriend. I decided to get a dog.
My boyfriend is horribly allergic to pet dander, so I never even considered getting a pet. However, since he broke up with me, I decided to get one. He's a senior dog from the shelter that needed rescuing. He's low energy and likes to lay with his head in my lap while I read, work or watch TV.
After six weeks away, my boyfriend texted me that he was back and coming over tomorrow (which was yesterday) so we could talk. I was shocked and texted him back asking what he was talking about. He said he was back and ready to unpause our relationship. He said he would talk to me about everything the next day. I texted back asking what relationship. He didn't answer.
Yesterday, he showed up and told me he had done a lot of self-examination and was ready to move forward on his life path. He even wanted to talk about moving in together. Then he saw my dog...and started freaking out. He asked me how I could get a dog when I know how sick he gets.
I told him that since he broke up with me, I didn't think it mattered. He said he didn't break up with me. I said he ghosted me. He said he communicated with me telling me he was pressing pause and visiting family. I said not answering texts is ghosting. We argued in circles and then he said he had to leave because he was getting an allergic reaction, even though he was standing in the doorway, not inside.
I feel like he broke up with me and it was okay that I got a dog. He says that he never did and therefore it's a horrible act of disregard to have gotten a dog. Which of us is right? My best friend said I should break up with him because he's a jerk.
I don't think I should have to break up with someone that already broke up with me. If I break up with him I'm basically agreeing with him that he didn't break up with me and therefore I was an asshole for getting the dog. Right?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
FormSuccessful1122 said:
NTA. The dog is neither here nor there. You could have had a BOYFRIEND in the apartment when he showed up and it would be none of his business. Pause isn't a thing. You don't put your partner on a shelf then take them down when you're ready to play again.
He played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. My guess? There is a girl where he was and he wanted to be free to take HER down from the shelf and play. Please don't take this guy back.
facinationstreet said:
Which of us is right? Do the semantics actually matter? Six weeks of no contact and he just decides to magically show up again and he thinks you should have 'unpaused' your life just because he said so? Block him and move on.
He does not have any right to disappear without communication, reappear as if nothing happened and expect you to be ok with it. I I'm willing to bet good money that if you accept this behavior once, it will become reoccurring for the rest of your relationship/life. Nobody has time for that nonsense. NTA.
Decent-Historian-207 said:
He pressed pause because there was someone in WA he wanted to hook up with. Break up with him for real, keep the dog and move on. NTA.
kimmysharma said:
Pressed pause? For 6 weeks yeah he slept with other woman and is now back.
SoulLessGinger992 said:
NTA. It’s only a “pause” if both parties agree. A one-sided pause when the other is against it is in fact just a breakup.
maroongrad said:
NTA. It's FAFO time. He F'd around on the relationship, and now he's found out. You don't ignore someone you care about for 6 weeks and not even send them a "Miss you, see you soon" text and expect them to have done NOTHING and just quietly waited...
It's not the 1800s and he wasn't at sea. Your boyfriend showed a breathtaking lack of concern for you. ANYTHING could have happened to you and he wouldn't know.
Greedy_Nature_3085 said:
He doesn’t get to put you on hold and assume you’re there waiting for him when he gets back. He went no contact for 6 weeks and now wants to talk about moving in together? NTA. I would want nothing to do with someone who thought his behavior was ok.