"Adult daughter lives for free with us, wants us to pay to upgrade wifi for her. AITA?"

We love our daughter and we have a good relationship. She had a breakup and moved home in July temporarily (6 months? 12 months?).

We are more than happy to help out and she can stay as long as she needs to, but she is complaining about our wifi coverage and how it's affecting her ability to do her job remotely. She can be pretty frugal and has asked us to pay for an extender that will cover her bedroom. We said "no way" after laughing a little bit.

To be fair, our AT&T wifi has always been spotty at either end of our large home, so we can understand her issue. However, she's a grown woman with a good job making good money and has significant savings. Significantly ahead of where others her age are (28 - 30).

My wife and I are retired empty nesters and our wifi works perfectly well for us. She has other options to connect (plenty of room in the finished basement) but doesn't like to work there due to furniture (1 room) or lack of windows (other 2 rooms). We can afford to do whatever we want with our house but find it off-putting that she wouldn't just buy/rent the extender and be done with it.

We don't charge rent, we pay for groceries (she has dietary restrictions so she does buy some of her own as well), and we cook or provide dinner 6 days a week (she cooks one dinner a week). We believe her asking/expecting us to pay for this "since it's your house" is over the top. Mind you, we're also paying for a family vacation (flights, hotel, rental car, attractions/park tickets, meals) in a month.

We get that children get used to parents paying for everything but this one has us alternately laughing out loud and scratching our heads. She refuses to pay anything for the extender "on principle", and so I guess it's on principle that we're refusing. Are we the AHs?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Joneurotic wrote:

My adult kid moved home and wanted upgraded wi-fi. He said “I’ll upgrade it and pay the bill” so he now pays the full bill. He also contributes to other expenses.

He’s an adult, he understands he’s living mortgage and rent free. He’d never in his wildest dreams expect to be expenses free on top of that. This is how respectful adults who are not entitled behave. I’d be having a very firm “contribute or leave” discussion if I was in your position.

deefop wrote:

NTA. You sound like great parents, but you mayyyyyy have spoiled her just a wee bit. That's some top tier levels of entitlement.

Flat-Replacement4828 wrote:

NTA. As an adult daughter living with my parents, f that. I pay rent + my share of all household bills + my own food. What f-king principle??

pooppaysthebills wrote:

NTA. She's more than capable of supporting herself, and she has options which don't require additional money.

She can pay for the upgrade herself, or find a place to live that is more to her liking.

UrsulaVonTwinkle wrote:

My husband and I had to move back in with my parents for 4 months as an emergency in 2020. While we were there we painted, replaced the carpet in the room we were staying in, bought a window a/c unit and replaced two toilets in the house.

We also bought a wifi extender because my parents also have AT&T and it's also spotty at their house. We never considered asking them to pay for these items, and we WERE paying rent (a very small amount). We also left all of it behind when we moved out. NTA. You're doing your daughter a huge solid, she can provide any changes she needs made herself.

qash001 wrote:

No. But you are also asking for trouble by treating an adult (your description) like a child. In my experience it is true that people nowadays do not value things that come with no upfront cost (your time, help, money etc), and over time become accustomed to it and expect more. Charge her rent and also to upgrade the WiFi.

Or tell her to rent somewhere with better WiFi. As you indicated already, you are perfectly comfortable with the way things are, if they don't suit her then she should fork out for the change, simple. Frankly, she moved out to be independent, she's now taking a step 'backwards', being rewarded for it and now she's expecting more.

waaasupla wrote:

She refuses to pay on principle? Yes it’s your house but you don’t even need this extender, it’s she who does. So why should you buy just bcoz someone else needs it? Where’s the principle on forcing you to buy what you don’t even need? You guys are doing way beyond for her but she’s sounding entitled & demanding. Don’t enable her behavior.

KatzaKat wrote:

NTA. She needs to start paying rent. You can save it for her and give it to her when she leaves as a forced savings kind of thing. She also needs to be paying for her own cell phone and car insurance. She should be covering HER living expenses. She has no motivation to leave.

_NightShade13_ wrote:

NTA, she’s an adult and has a paying job, she can pay for it if she needs it. It’s your home and you’ve been kind enough to let her live temporarily with you, but you don’t owe her modifications or improvements. If she doesn’t like it, she can find another place to stay / work from.

Fair_Theme_9388 wrote:

You’re already doing too much letting her live there rent and bill-free, buying special groceries to meet her dietary restrictions, cooking for her 6 days a week, AND paying for her vacation?

I’d get it if she was unemployed, depressed, disabled, etc, but she seems like a perfectly fine, functioning adult. Why are you surprised she’s so easily taking advantage of you?

NTA for wanting to set a boundary, but you should also stop enabling her behavior.