'AITA for refusing to make a packed lunch for my SIL even though we work together?'
"AITA for refusing to make a packed lunch for my SIL even though we work together?"
No-Shine7382
I (25f) make my own lunch for work. My husband and I both meal prep and we get stuff ready in advance to make it less bothersome but also to help us balance stuff out. We each found lunch combos we love and that work for us throughout our workday.
I work with my husband's sister (SIL 37f). She buys her lunch every day and only occasionally brought a packed lunch in. In the past she has expressed jealousy about my lunch and has commented that she'd be paying $20 to buy what I bring in.
I pointed out to her once that she could always batch cook and meal prep and save herself money. But she was dismissive and told me it's easy for me to say because I don't have children, which is true.
A couple of weeks back my SIL approached me at lunch and asked me to give it to her. She told me she didn't have the money to pay for a lunch. I told her I couldn't just give her my lunch but offered to share a little.
She then decided to tell me about her and her husband's money worries and how stressful it has been for them. She then told me I should help her and make her a packed lunch for work since we're in the same office.
I was really shocked she was basically telling me I had to feed her, and for free, every day at work. I told her I wasn't going to do that and I was sorry they were struggling.
My husband was equally as shocked when I got home and told him. He told me to ignore her and she can figure it out. But she brought it up repeatedly that week and then last week she brought nothing in, including no money, so she had no food for lunch and I refused to share with her again or make lunch for her.
This led to her complaining outside of work about how much of a monster I am. My husband called her entitled and told her to go make her own damn lunch instead of demanding things from me.
She told me I was acting like a food snob hoarding my precious lunches when it would be so generous and good natured of me to feed her too. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
LadyCriss
My guess is the brother-in-law had a come to Jesus meeting with the sister-in-law about how much she was spending on lunches -$20.00 per day 5 days a week is $100.00. He most likely told her she couldn't spend that kind of money anymore because of their financial situation.
Rather than pull up her big girl panties and alter her behavior - i.e. meal prep, she decided to become a pariah and try to guilt OP into doing it for her. Pure guess on my part based on OP's description of sister-in-law's behaviour. OP is NTA, but the sister-in-law needs to buckle-up because her buttercup world is going to be continually rocked if she keeps up.
No-Shine7382 OP responded:
I don't think it came from him because my husband said he's just as bad if not worse and spends a ton on lunches a week himself. Our best guess is they legit can't make it work anymore.
Reasonable-Sale8611
What the what? She wanted you to just GIVE her your own lunch and go hungry yourself? That is such bizarre behavior it's hard to believe.
Seems like her strategy was, first demand something so floridly unreasonable, that when you climb down to "Ok then you should make and bring in lunch for me, every day, at your own expense, when you make your own" you'll be overjoyed at the comparative reasonableness of this (unreasonable) demand.
She sounds ridiculous but it would be very generous and (checks notes) good-natured of you to post your packed lunch ideas right here.
No-Shine7382 OP responded:
Our biggest go-to is batch making high protein burritos. We're a chicken loving couple so we normally do that but you can go with other options. Pack it full of yummy goodness and you can make them nice and chunky if you like (which we like very much).
We also batch make different kinds of ramen to swap out the burritos with. Then my husband likes to bring some kind of chips and pastry with him. I typically go with fruit and bread sticks or fruit and chocolate.
kesseLokomotive
NTA. I‘m so baffled by the way these entitled people operate. I don’t know how your relationship is with your SIL in general but I bet if she had had a calm chat with you in an appropriate moment (read: NOT AT WORK FFS) and said she was struggling so much.
If she asked whether it would be possible for you to prepare more of the same thing you were making anyway if she paid for her share of the groceries because she just didn’t have the time - you might have said yes once or twice a week sure you can.
Focus being MIGHT. You still would not have to have helped at all but you might have chosen to. This way there is no way on earth I would consider it at all. What’s wrong with her? Glad to see your husband is on your side though!
Tangerine_Bouquet
WTF? Of course you don't owe her food or preparation thereof. What is wrong with this woman? If she has kids, what does she do about their lunches? No, you don't owe your husband's sister food. No, you don't owe a coworker food. In both cases, that person is way over the line to demand it of you.
Even with AITA, where a lot is often left out ... I can't think of anything that could've been left out that would change this at all. NTA and let your husband deal with his family. If it's a problem at work, take it to HR after firmly telling her no and not to bring it up again. She's harassing you (and I presume only you and not other colleagues).