'AITA for accepting money from my grandparents and telling my parents off?'

"AITA for accepting money from my grandparents and telling my parents off because my parents tried to force them to see my stepsister as their grandkid?"

I turned 18 this year. I was 11 or 12 when I stopped seeing my grandparents and looking back on it, they stopped coming around when my dad got remarried. I had a very good relationship with them before my dad got remarried. I thought they just didn’t care anymore until they contacted me after my birthday.

They asked me to met up with them and talk. I was hesitant but I wanted answers. They informed me that they were cut off by my parents and couldn’t contact me. That around the time they were getting married a huge fight happened.

It boiled down to my parents wanting them to accept my stepsister (16 right now) as their grandkid. My grandparents told them no and huge fight. They banned them from contacting me. They informed me that they have been saving up money for me and want to get to know me again. I have been meeting them since.

I am in college and I plan on using the money instead of talking on any more debt. I also have been going to a community college and will transfer to a better school. I informed my parents that I am looking to transfer and they brought up I will go into debt. I informed them of the money I got from my grandparents This caused a huge fight and they are pissed that I would take money from them.

I am pissed that they ruined my relationship with them especially since my sister doesn’t even see us as family. She doesn’t call my dad, dad but would ruin my relationship with my nana and papa.

They think I am being a brat.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

GamesDontStop wrote:

NTA. You should develop a relationship with your grandparents and your parents are AHs for stopping that. They used you as a pawn to have your grandparents to try to convince them to accept your stepsister; that was unacceptable, but they can't do that anymore.

I like that you're avoiding debt, that'll help in the future. But don't discount community college just because you can afford a different school.

OP responded:

I hate my community college, that the main reason. I am getting my standard transferable credits and I am out.

PumpkinPowerful3292 wrote:

NTA. First off I think it is great that your nana and papa care enough about you to want to be in your life and want to support you. Your dad and stepmom are TA's here expecting everyone to just bless their union as if everyone can become just one big happy family. Their cutting off you from your nana and papa was cruel and completely unnecessary and robbed you of the love and support all those years.

What I would do is see if your nana and papa would take you in while you go to college so you can just get away from the whole t-xic life your dad and stepmom have created. They may be up for it, who knows. Because you really need to get away from those who betrayed you. It isn't going to get any better until you do leave.

OP responded:

They actually offered me to stay in there side home (they have a normal house and another much smaller home on their property).

SnooMaps3443 wrote:

Your parents didn't ruin your relationship with your grandparents alone. Your grandparents were equally involved in the decision. They decided their hate for your step sister was greater than their love for you. They could have treated you both the same and kept a relationship with you, but chose not to. Now they are buying your love back with money, which is what most people do who can afford it.

slow_poke00 wrote:

The internet is a wild place. A post from the parent’s perspective would have everyone universally agreeing to cutting off toxic grandparents for not accepting a step child as a new grandchild. Truly makes you take any advice here with a grain of salt.

I don’t see any mention of you yearning to see your grandparents in the 7 years since you last saw them. But they show up with money and now you’re pissed your parents ruined your relationship with them? YTA.

HappyKnittens wrote:

Hey OP, one thing I want to caution you on: your grandparents have come back into the picture with a story that very conveniently paints them in an excellent light. There are two sides to every story, and you do not know (possibly will never know) exactly who was "most at fault" for the split between them and your parents.

There are half a dozen things I can think of off the top of my head that would have made your dad and stepmom 100% justified in cutting off contact with your grandparents.

That being said, money to help you get a slightly easier start in life and graduating with a four-year degree and no/fewer loans is an overall benefit to your future adult self, so I would definitely accept the money for school, but I would be cautious about cutting out your dad and stepmom entirely.

Partly because you don't know all the facts and partly out of pure self-interest because they will be your safety net for the next 5-10 years as you try to build your adult life.

If possible, try to find balance:

To your parents, try saying "I understand that you had a falling out with them almost a decade ago, and I don't want to put myself in the middle of whatever that fight was about, but they are a connection to my dead mother and the money they have saved is a huge help to achieving my educational goals."

"Please understand that I love you, but also respect that I am reconnecting with them to explore having a relationship that I wasn't able to have since your falling out."

To your grandparents: "I really don't want to get in the middle of the fight you had with my dad and stepmom. I believe that they love me and have cared for me well/appropriately over the last X years.

I am sad that I have missed out on so much time with you, and would like to rebuild our relationship, and I am grateful for the help with my college expenses, but I ask you not to pull me into your disagreement with my dad."

Best of luck to you, please make sure your four-year degree is in something that will track to a stable, good-paying job (accounting, mathematics, data science, and tech come to mind) that will give you financial freedom to build the life you want OR that you love so much you don't care if you never make any money at it.