'AITA for being angry someone in my local Buy Nothing group gave me trash when I wanted clothes for my daughter?'
"AITAH for being angry that someone on my local Buy Nothing group gave me literal trash when I asked for clothes for my daughter?"
I'm a single mom to a 7-year-old daughter. I don't have any support beyond the state garnished child support I receive. Things are tight to say the least. My daughter has had a growth spurt and all of her pants are high waters and too tight on her waist.
I was waiting on my tax return (won't get it back until late February) to go all out and buy my kid new clothes, new shoes, pay off past due utilities, etc. just try to get ahead any little bit I can. But my kid's growth spurt had other plans.
When I picked her up from after school care yesterday, she was upset because some of the kids were teasing her about her pants being too short and her shoes being "ugly" (and this is not the first time we've dealt with b-llying. When she first started wearing glasses in first grade, we dealt with another first grader b-llying her over her looks) so I bit the bullet and posted on my local Buy Nothing group.
I asked if anyone had clothing and shoes in my daughter's size to spare. The clothes and shoes didn't need to be brand new, I just needed clothes to tide me over until the tax return hits. One person commented on my post, saying she had clothes that were in the size I needed, just no shoes.
I'm like hey, that's fine because I don't want my kiddo complaining about her ankles being cold and her sides hurting because her jeans and leggings are cutting in to her. I messaged the person, asked where they were so we could arrange for me to pick up the clothes. Person lives almost 30-minutes away and I'm like damn, can we meet halfway or at a public place?
No, person can't do that because they don't drive, I have to pick up from their front porch. I don't like doing that but this person is adamant about getting rid of these clothes. I get their address, drive 30 minutes to pick up the clothes and they're in a white trash bag all tied up. I grabbed the bag, threw it in my car and sent the person a quick thank you message.
I figure s--t, maybe I can surprise my daughter with some "new" to her clothes when I pick her up from school! I get home and open the bag up and start pulling clothes out. A lot of them have holes, and stains. The person included what looked like used little kids underwear (like a kid hadn't wiped themselves very well).
A lot of them smelled horribly but I didn't notice because the trash bag was super floral scented. Out of an entire trash bag of clothing this person gave to me, there were 3 pairs of leggings and two short sleeve t-shirts I could salvage by washing in my sink because I hate paying my apartment complex $6 to wash and dry a load.
I went to message the person on Facebook again and they had blocked me. So it seems like this person just wanted to get rid of their dirty nasty laundry and I was a sucker who wasted gas and a whole hour of my time on my day off, just trying to do something nice for my kid because I don't want her to continue getting picked on.
And this isn't the first time I've dealt with crappy people on the Buy Nothing group. I've tried giving away clothes my daughter has outgrown just to have people not pick it up, or complain that I'm too far away and try to get me to deliver things to them, or when I try to claim stuff, suddenly the person giving away the items wants to charge me and that's just not in the spirit of Buy Nothing at all.
I know I should be grateful that I got anything at all out of my Buy Nothing group for my daughter, and I am, but I'm also frustrated because now what am I going to do with these dirty clothes?
Do I just trash them since the person blocked me? I don't feel right donating them to good will or giving them away to someone else either. Just a shitty (literally) situation to be in right now to be honest. I ended up messaging a friend of mine, just to vent about the situation and even sent her photos of the condition of the clothes I received.
She told me I was being "ungrateful" and that the person who gave me the clothes is probably struggling too and I should be thankful I got anything at all. I just kind of rolled my eyes and ignored her because she's not the one who got skid marked kids underwear and now has to wash these clothes in her bathroom sink.
I'm not ready to throw hands but I do feel frustrated over it all. AITAH for feeling frustrated and just being over my local Buy Nothing group? I'm just trying to keep my kid clothed in comfortable clothes here.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
UnitedConcentrate689 wrote:
NTA. They did that deliberately. I was part of a charity rummage sale and someone dropped off a diaper genie... full of diapers. Some people will literally donate trash.
Things will get better for you. Things got better for me and my mom because she never gave up. You've got this.
OP responded:
I'm keeping my resume updated, applying to jobs and going to interviews when I land one. I have nothing else to cut as far as expenses, I just need to have more income coming in. Once I get a better job and make more money, I know things will be easier for us. I'm just annoyed I was given literal trash.
Coffee4Joey wrote:
You're NTA but the donor is. Lots of heartless people use "donations" as a way to stroke their ego while giving away things that are clearly ready for trash. I'm willing to bet you would have been happy with just 5 garments in decent condition rather than 30 full of literal s--t.
What are some chain stores near you where you could get the most bang for your buck on children's clothes? (Target, Old Navy, etc) I want to see if a there's a way to get you through to the next mile marker.
OP responded:
Target and Walmart are the closest to me. I usually buy her new clothes from Target and Walmart. Literally had funds planned out with this tax return (along with catching up on past due utilities so I'm not worried about my power or water being shut off) but she just shot up what seems like over night lol.
Caspian4136 wrote:
NTA. This person knew exactly what they were doing and that was getting someone to come pick up literal trash so they didn't have to deal with it. I'm sorry this happened to you and you're not wrong to be pissed off about it.
As this isn't your first bad experience in this group, I'd leave it. The mods obviously don't do a good job staying on top of things with trouble members like this (actually maybe message the admins so they know what happened).
Could you maybe contact a local church for some help?
hippiegoth97 wrote:
NTA. Clearly this person gave you clothes that were unusable and dirty. Your 'friend' certainly is an a-hole, though. I am SICK of people telling those in need that they should be 'grateful' for receiving complete and utter crap that's passed off as help or charity.
As if poor people only deserve less than the bare minimum. It's classist and disgusting. The clothes were soiled, tattered and unwearable. That's not helpful to you or your daughter at all and your friend should understand that.
And the person who pawned them off to you should know that as well, regardless of if they themselves are poor/struggling or not. You don't donate dirty nasty clothes with holes in them, period. They are not adequate for ANYONE to wear. I'm so sorry this happened, truly. I hope your tax return comes in soon, to give you some relief in this tough time.
FullPace7666 wrote:
I read the title thinking maybe bags were swapped(happened to me once) but no, you were actually scammed. NTA. I don’t really know what a Buy Nothing group is, but considering this isn’t even the first bad experience, maybe it’s time to look elsewhere? At the very least you should be seeing pictures or something before comitting to the drive.