'AITA for announcing my pregnancy at my friend’s bridal shower? It happened so quick.'

"AITA for announcing my pregnancy at my friend’s bridal shower?"

I 31F am a bridesmaid for my friend Abby 32DF. Abby and I are high school friends, and while we’ve drifted, I was honoured to be a bridesmaid. She asked some of our other hs friends, some of which I have seen since college in person. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, but I didn’t want to announce it, as I announced my pregnancy last year to family and friends and then had a miscarriage.

I was quite surprised I was pregnant again so soon, but me and my boyfriend was happy and we decided to wait until I was further along to announce to be in the safe side. At Abby’s bridal shower, her MOH got us to play a drinking game. I opted out of drinking obviously, and settled on water and said I had to be up early tomorrow so I couldn’t drink.

I thought it was fine, until halfway through my hs friend Jane was quite tipsy and offered me a shot, and I said no I really can’t. She pestered me, and said that she would personally wake me up early tomorrow so it would be fine, but I insisted no. She then asked if I was pregnant and I got flustered and said no, but she caught me and said I was a bad liar.

She was quite loud and congratulated me and told everyone I was pregnant. I felt really uncomfortable, as I didn’t want to disclose this, and it was Abby’s day not mine. Everyone congratulated me there and I brushed it off, thinking people were quite tipsy so they’d probably not even remember tomorrow morning.

I wasn’t having that much fun as everyone else was drinking, so I opted to leave first and thought it was all fine. I got a text today, two days later from Abby saying she was upset that I announced my pregnancy at her bridal shower. I apologised on text and said I didn’t mean for it to come out, but that Jane had announced it.

The internet had lots to say in response to OP's quandary.

T00narmy wrote:

NTA because you didn't announce it. You didn't do anything wrong. Make sure that's clear. WHY ON EARTH would you take responsibility for someone else's mistake?

"Hi Abby, I understand you're upset and I don't blame you. But you seem to not understand exactly what happened. I did not in ANY way "announce" my pregnancy at your shower. I would never do that."

"Jane kept pressuring me to drink, even after I declined over and over. I obviously couldn't drink but I didn't want to let her know why. But she didn't stop, and when she finally asked me POINT BLANK if I was pregnant, I even told her "No." I said no specifically because I didn't think it would be appropriate to discuss my pregnancy at your shower."

"With anyone. Hubby and I agreed to wait longer anyway, due to our previous misc-rriage. Jane, unfortunately in her tipsy state, decided ON HER OWN in that moment to loudly call me a bad liar and announce to everyone in earshot that I was pregnant. SHe announced it. I did not do that. I was horrified. I had nothing to do with it, I didn't want it, and it made me incredibly uncomfortable."

"I don't blame you for being upset about this, I also would have been upset! It was totally out of line. But please know that I didn't announce anything and didn't tell anyone that I was pregnant. Jane, tipsy or not, embarrassed me, ruined my opportunity to announce my pregnancy to my friends at a later date as I had originally planned, and managed to upset you at your shower at the same time."

"I'm personally upset with her. You had this happen at your shower, and now I don't get to announce to my friends in a few weeks like I wanted. I hope you will not try to hold me responsible for actions that Jane took on her own. Again, I'm so sorry that this happened, it was never what I wanted and I am also upset about how it all went down."

Supermarketneat4033 wrote:

NTA. You didn't announce it, you just weren't successful at hiding it. You can't control that Jane guessed you were pregnant. It doesn't sound like Abby had the time/ability at the shower to understand exactly what happened, so I can understand how she was lead to the wrong impression that you'd intentionally told someone about your pregnancy.

From the information she had, she's perfectly valid for voicing she was upset. Jane is kind of an AH for outting you though. You were obviously trying to hide your pregnancy, so it'd be easy to guess that you don't want that information shared and she immediately shouted it.

I know the sauce can make people forget how to socialize properly or completely lose the ability to read a room and I'm sure she just had good intentions that she was excited for you, but that's still a major f up on her part.

I think a way it could've maybe been avoided would've been to tell Abby before hand that you won't/can't be drinking at the shower so she or the MOH could've planned to discreetly intervene with people pressuring you to drink.

rosezoeybear wrote:

NTA but Jane is. You should have been able to turn down drinks without getting the third degree.

Photomama16 wrote:

NTA- you didn’t announce it…Jane did. Jane is the one that needs to apologize. Fill Abby in on what happened, and let her know Jane backed you into a corner. Tell her you had no intention of your news getting out and taking attention away from her shower.

MerelyWhelmed1 wrote:

Why can't people just allow others to not drink? You shouldn't need to give a reason.

NTA.