I (29F) have been with my boyfriend, Chris (31M), for 5 years. He’s amazing in so many ways funny, kind, and super supportive but there’s this one thing that’s been bothering me for a while now: his “work wife,” Jess (30F).
Chris works in a close-knit office, and Jess has been his coworker and friend for years. At first, I wasn’t bothered. I mean, I get it work friendships are a thing, and it’s normal to be close to people you spend so much time with. But over the years, their relationship has started to make me feel...off.
For starters, they text all the time. And not just during work hours she’ll message him at night, on weekends, even during our date nights. A lot of the time it’s about work, but not always. Sometimes it’s random memes or inside jokes that I don’t get. When we go to events with his coworkers, Jess is always by his side, laughing at his jokes and acting like she knows him better than anyone.
One time, she introduced herself to me as his “work wife.” Everyone laughed, so I laughed too, but honestly, it stung a little. Chris brushed it off when I brought it up later, saying it’s just a joke and I’m being silly. Then last weekend, things hit a breaking point. We were at a party with his coworkers, and I overheard Jess and Chris talking in the kitchen.
Jess made some joke about how Chris must be “exhausted” because I “keep him up all night.” Chris laughed and said something like, “Yeah, she’s got a lot of energy,” and they both cracked up. I just stood there, frozen. They were joking about our s-x life in front of their coworkers! It felt so disrespectful and humiliating.
When I confronted Chris about it later, he admitted the joke was “in bad taste” but said I was blowing it out of proportion. He called it “harmless banter” and swore there was nothing to it. I told him I was done playing cool about Jess and that he needed to set some boundaries with her or I was out. That’s when he said I was being insecure and controlling.
He insists there’s nothing romantic between them, and I’m just making drama over a friendship. Now, I’m torn. Some of my friends think I overreacted and that I shouldn’t make him “choose” between me and Jess. Others say I’m totally justified especially after that joke. So, AITA for asking my boyfriend to set boundaries with his “work wife,” or should I just let it go?
l3ex_g wrote:
NTA. Five years and he wouldn't agree to some boundaries after joking about your sex life to co-workers? I feel like him going to “your insecure and controlling” instead of him looking at his friendship and evaluating if it’s crossed some lines is a little telling.
It doesn’t sound like you asked him to cut her off so his reaction makes me think that your intuition isn’t wrong and maybe you need to figure out what you are willing to take in a relationship.
OP responded:
I never asked him to cut here of as they are friend for a long time ! I just want him to set some boundaries as I don't want him talking about our intimate moments with here. There are things which should stay between the 2 of us and he should not share them with anyone else.
dreambbay wrote:
NTA. That was totally disrespectful and crossing a line. Joking about your sex life in front of people? Nah, that’s not cool. If he really cared, he’d set those boundaries. You’re not asking for much, just a little respect.
Lost_Froyo7066 wrote:
NTA. Your feelings are valid and your BF is ignoring them and borderline gaslighting you with his excuses. Regardless of the "work wife", if he behaves in a way that makes you uncomfortable, particularly where his behavior is objectively disrespectful, and he refuses to take responsibility or acknowledge your feelings, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship.
OP responded:
I hope he just gets my point of view and sets some boundaries otherwise our relationship won't last.
Jstj4m13 wrote:
NTA that sucks.
Make jokes about him to your friends so he can overhear and laugh it off and tell him he’s being too sensitive. Or better yet, say it straight to his face and he’s blowing it out of proportion. I hate her and I’m finding your bf needs a swift kick.
OP responded:
He definitely needs a swift kick otherwise this is over.
Huge_Researcher7679 wrote:
I don’t think you should ask him to choose. He already made his choice by dismissing your concerns. Tell him you understand and don’t want to be controlling, so you’re making the choice for him that this isn’t the type of relationship you want and you’re out.
OP responded:
It is very hard as i love him and we have a good relationship except this issue with Jess. I just hope that he will understand my view and will set some strong rules with here otherwise like you said I will have no other option then breaking up with him 💔
Lookingforfun-21 wrote:
Girl just leave. They’re doing some form of cheating, even right in front of you!
OP responded:
I hope there is nothing behind that what you just said except there work relation and not physically but I will for sure get an eye on it from know on, they are crossing the line now.
ncjr591 wrote:
I have close female friends I work with. I would never call any of them my work wife, it’s disrespectful to my wife. Second I would not joke about my s-x life. He knows it’s wrong but he doesn’t know how to fix it. It’s either he loses his long term GF or makes work uncomfortable. He made his bed tell him he has only one choice if he wants to keep you.