Tensions flare as woman recalls past issues with friend now texting her boyfriend. AITA?
"AITA: asking my boyfriend not to text my friend"
Affectionate-Bag8646
Over the weekend I invited my friend, let’s call her Emma, to meet me and my boyfriend (of 11 months) out to the bar we were hanging around with a couple of his friends. She shows up after pregaming pretty hard (by herself) and things are good - everyone is having fun and mingling.
Emma and my boyfriend have met previously but in situations where it was mainly my friend group so they haven’t had much of a chance to interact one-on-one. They were chatting to one another and I was chatting to one of his friends closely.
I get a tap on my shoulder and Emma asks if she can have his number because she asked him to send her a souvenir while he and I were abroad and needed to give him her address (note: she had already asked me personally before this evening to which i said of course) - thinking nothing of it at the time (and after a few drinks myself) I said it was completely fine.
However, I am deeply reconsidering my lack of hesitation in permitting this. Emma and I share a somewhat difficult past. Almost 2 years ago, Emma had slept with the guy I was interested in, and yes, she knew about it.
When I had asked her if she could stop reaching out to guy she said of course but continued to go over to his apartment and spend hours there, sometimes nights. This caused a huge riff in our friendship and my trust for her. There have been other instances where she has crossed boundaries of mine but that has been the most significant by far.
The day after we went and they exchanged numbers - I spoke with her the next morning just to casually recap the evening since my boyfriend and I left the group and Emma had continued to go out with his friends (her first time meeting any of them).
She said it was fun and that the guys stayed out with her for 2 more hours after we left. We speak for a good 40 mins and hang up. After hanging up, I had repeated the same thing to my boyfriend and filled him in since he was curious how the rest of the evening went for everyone.
Not 5 minutes after recounting the events of last night to my boyfriend does her name pop up onto his phone, and keeps popping up. My boyfriend shows shows me (i didn’t ask to see, we are just very open) and she said “the way i had to remember who this was” and then goes on to tell him the rest of her evening and how she liked his friends.
She continues to show him what she had saved him in her phone as, just very much things that don’t really need to be said. He responds as he thinks nothing of it because I haven’t explained Emma’s and I’s history.
All that being said, am I the AH if I explain to my boyfriend our history and how her texting him/asking him to send HER a souvenir makes me uneasy as I don’t have much trust in her to not cross boundaries. Or should I just leave it be and if something more concerning is exchanged, confront it then.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Electronic_Carry_192
You need to tell him pretty much what you said here. If he loves you he's not gonna think a thing about dropping her number and blocking it. That's just a matter of respect for what my woman is feeling and regardless of how petty I might think it is, I'm not letting my woman feel a certain way.
So no, you're not the AH here, ya 'friend' is and she needs to be dropped like a bad habit. You watch, you do this and she's gonna be bed surfing with his buddies.
Wonderful_Road1857
NTA. It's completely reasonable to want to set boundaries based on past experiences, especially with someone who has a history of crossing them like Emma. Communication is key in relationships, and it's important to be honest with your boyfriend about your feelings and the history with Emma.
This isn't about controlling who he can and cannot talk to, but rather about protecting your relationship from potential issues caused by someone who may not respect boundaries. Trust is a huge part of any relationship, and your boyfriend should understand why this situation makes you uncomfortable.
BaelaBoo23
Nope nope nope, this is classic jealous friend syndrome. I’ve had friends like this who for some reason feel like our lives are in competition with one another. They want want you have just because you have it.
It’s as simple as the fact that you & your boyfriend are BOTH going abroad but she’s asked HIM to send her a souvenir. She sneakily was able to give him her phone number and address without its seeming “shady”. Even tho it is definitely shady.
DramaticPersistence
NTA. You and your bf seem to have a good thing going. Be open with him about how you feel and the past situations, then it really is up to him to act upon. I believe you have been waaaay too kind with your friend and I respect you gave her a chance, but seems to follow a pattern she should really take care of. Perhaps you don’t have to stay there until she does…🍀
semlowkey
NTA, but the dude is only 25 (and I assume he is tall and decent looking since he is getting interest). He hasn't even approached his prime years yet. Keeping his locked in an LTR on a tight leash is gonna be a hell of a mission. The first serious argument, and he is gonna be like "its not worth it for me to deal with this". Best of luck there!