Someecards Logo
ADVERTISING
'AITA for asking my husband if my stepdaughters could stop visiting because of their behavior?'

'AITA for asking my husband if my stepdaughters could stop visiting because of their behavior?'

ADVERTISING

"AITAH for asking my husband if my stepdaughters could stop visiting?"

Hi! I (36F) have been married to my husband (39M) for about a year and a half but have been together for about 6 years. I met his twin daughters when they were about 5 and are now 11. I have 2 daughters of my own (15F and 7F) so I am not inexperienced when it comes to pre-teen girls. I know that there can be a lot to handle, but I am just at my breaking point when it comes to my stepdaughters.

For this post, I will call them Lauren and Haddi. They live in another state with their mother most of the time but come to visit 4 to 5 times a year. I have been around the twins for almost 6 years and have never met their mother. The twin's mom is a story for a different day, but she encourages the girls to misbehave while they visit.

She has brainwashed them to the point that if they have fun during their visit, it will make their mom mad. (The twins have said this many times). Some of the most horrible examples I can give are drawing on the walls with their used monthly items, or when we have friends over the twins b-lly their kids to the point they don't want to come over while they are here anymore and backtalking.

You tell them no or not to do something and it's like "What are you going to do" or "Make Me." In the most recent visit Lauren used the restroom at my in-law's house where there was a lit candle in the bathroom, Lauren took the toilet paper and put it in the candle wax where it almost caught the bathroom on fire.

The twins have started bringing a cell phone with them so they can stay connected with "momma" while they are here. We have 2 rules in our house when it comes to cell phones: No phones in the bedrooms/bathrooms. If you are under the age of 13, there are no personal cell phones.

That means their cell phone is to stay in their purse unless they are using it for their evening call with their mom. (Can't sleep unless they talk to her every night). My 15-year-old has to follow these rules as well. The twins decided that they did not want to follow these rules and sneaked the phone into the rooms and hid it in their pockets, so we told them to hand the phone over.

This did not go over very well if you could have guessed. We did get the phone from them in the end. My husband proceeded to text their mother and explain this to her and her response was we had no right to take the phone from them and our rules do not apply to them and their personal belongings.

He explained to her that while they are in our house our rules will be followed and that they can have their nightly calls on his phone. We have tried to correct the misbehaviors but that is met with "It wasn't me" "I didn't do that" and "Prove it!"

We had to install cameras in the common living spaces for protection. I know my husband wants them here at all costs and says I am being an AH, but I am just to the point where I don't want them here. All the bad behavior is starting to affect my 7-year-old, and I want it to stop. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

xpinkvirtual wrote:

You're not wrong for wanting to protect your home and kids, but asking them to stop visiting might hurt your husband and their relationship. This sounds like a parenting issue that needs serious boundaries, not cutting them off completely. Therapy or mediation might help because the mom’s behavior seems toxic for everyone.

Swampy_63 wrote:

My two cents. Your husband should get a communication app for divorced parents. Everything is documented. It can be used to enact new visitation and/or behavior by a judge. This is beyond the pale and needs to be addressed outside of the family. A third party is in order. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.

Accomplished_bat6910 wrote:

You are not the AH. Your husband needs to lay down rules with the ex and make it clear that they will behave when they are with you and him. It is your house, your rules. If they or ex don’t like it, they can stay with her.

I don’t know how your state works but if you can prove what is going on sometimes the court can intervene in visiting privileges. The ex has no business encouraging bad behavior. She sounds insufferable.

OP responded:

The sad thing is tries everything with them to get them to behave and they just don't want to. I do not discipline his kids at all, and when he tries his hands are tied due to his ex. The state they live in says we could take it to court but the girls would never say anything bad about their mother. They would lie before saying anything that could upset her.

Safe_Perspective9633 wrote:

You would absolutely be the AH if you insisted your husband not see his children. THAT isn't a solution for this problem. I understand that this sounds like it is horribly overwhelming, but I am certain you can come up with better solutions for the 4-5 times per year that they get to visit with their dad.

I agree that is your house, your rules. You had every right to take away their phones. It's not like you kept them when they left. They can STILL call their mother EVERY night (which is seriously overbearing on her part, but, to each their own, I guess). As for the rest, you are going to have to come up with consequences for their actions that suit each situation best.

Coloring on the walls = They get to clean it up before they can do ANYTHING else (for example). Bullying the children of guests = They get to spend the entire time alone in their rooms while the guests are there (another example). You get the idea. But, no, you do NOT have the right to take away the little time your husband gets to have with your stepdaughters.

ComfortableFocus123 wrote:

ESH - Your husband is failing here, as he should be the one to lay done the rules ion your house to them. They should not be listening to their mom in your house. The mom obviously sucks, and you need to have a meeting with all parents to clear the air.

Ok-Perspective-5109 wrote:

YTA if you expectation is that he will ignore and neglect to see his children while raising yours. Would it be okay with you if he declared that your kids were no longer allowed in the home? You both should have dropped the phone issue. They are essentially guests who visit their dad and it doesn’t seem like either of you are interested in making them more than that or getting to the bottom of their behaviors.

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2025 Someecards, Inc

ADVERTISING
Featured Content