'AITA for asking my partner to tell his friends to leave our house party because I'm tired?' UPDATED
"AITA 23F for asking my partner 27M to tell his friends to leave house party?"
I’ll try and be concise. The party was originally planned as a housewarming but my friends couldn’t make it so it was just my partners friends who were coming. Guests here from 6pm, I provided all of the food, drink and worked hard on making the lounge a comfortable environment and sourcing plenty seats.
For context, I work night shifts and in the last 48hrs I have worked a nightshift and had one nap between 1pm and 3pm on the day of the party. Bearing in mind I went straight from my nightshift to the store to buy all of the supplies. Fast forward it’s now 1am and I figured it’s been a fair while, everyone had a blast I think it’s time to call it a night.
Asked my partner in private who responded with ‘I can’t kick them out, do you know how bad that would be for me?’. Now, I support him and I know how it feels to be insecure around your friends if you don’t see them often, especially as adults. So I let slide and wait. It’s now 02:30am and my partner has ordered more food which means they will be staying for even longer.
I am at the end of my tether now, running on 2 hours sleep, having put in all the effort and just to add insult to injury - none of the guests thanked me, greeted me or appreciated the work I put in. I then learned that they had been doing lines in my bathroom and I’m now so upset. My partner sees no problem and is getting upset with me now. AITA?
Not long after posting, OP shared an update.
Thanks everyone for helping me see sense. It was happening live so I couldn’t reply to everyone but I had gone through to bed around 11pm but with the way our home is laid out there’s not a lot of soundproofing from the main area to the bedroom - I’m not precious, I am quite capable of sleeping if there isn’t mountains of noise 🤣
At 3:45am I flipped and went through and kicked them out (not very gracious but I think I’m allowed a crazy moment given I had no sleep) - partner said that I embarrassed him and ‘interrupted their fun game’. Partner will be moving out in the coming weeks ✌🏼✨ thanks everyone.
The commenters were invested.
Quiet-Essay9268 wrote:
NTA. You have been more than generous with both time and provisions. Your partner has disrespected you and your efforts by allowing this fiasco to continue for over 6 hours, exposing you to possible charges, and just generally being an a*hole. If he is this insecure around his friends, he doesn't have friends, and he does not deserve you!
StrangeronReddit wrote:
NTA. Your partner is absolutely disrespecting you and showing how little he cares about your feelings. If he cared more, he would have no problem politely wrapping up the party, or suggesting they take the party elsewhere so you could sleep. If I were you i'd just let them know to keep it down as you are going to bed and then deal with your partner when they have sobered up.
Frogssaysso wrote:
NTA. I'm guessing the partner did zilch in helping to set up for the party. He didn't go to the store (so did he contribute any money for the party?). Six hours is a little long for a party, especially if you've also been working that day. Once you let him now it was time to end the party, he should have told his friends to leave. And then, I would think seriously before hosting another party that involves him and his friends.
BayAreaPupMom wrote:
NTA. As soon as I found out something that's not legal was happening, I would have told my partner he has the time it takes me to lock myself in the bedroom in order to call 911 to get those people out as I am about to report the d--g use.
The fact that your partner supports this bad behavior from his friends and cares more about his friends enjoyment than your feelings would make me wonder if this is a relationship worth continuing. It seems very one-sided.
yumyum_cat wrote:
It’s perfectly fine for grown ups to say politely hey sorry to kick you out but we’re bushed.
It’s also fine to excuse yourself and go to sleep. Some would take the hint.
It’s not fine for guests to stay all night.
dessertk-ller wrote:
NTA and I feel like this is setting a precedence for what is going to be going on in your house, which is not cool. He needs to understand the home you two share is not a frat/party house. Sit down and set boundaries of when guests leave and let him know that bringing illegal drugs in unacceptable.
No_Huckleberry85 wrote:
NTA for telling him to ask them to leave. But please don't be a doormat. Why are you busting your butt for a house warming party consisting of your partner's friends? You needed to sleep after your night shift and I don't see why he couldn't have done the shopping, cleaning and preparing.
You need to set boundaries in advance and discuss what happens when they aren't respected. The fact that your partner is so eager to place his friends' enjoyment above your needs is disgusting. An immature man and selfish partner.