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'AITA for asking my wife to taste my food before she starts adding cayenne to it?'

'AITA for asking my wife to taste my food before she starts adding cayenne to it?'

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"AITA for asking my wife to taste my food before she starts adding stuff to it?"

I cook for my family of four almost every night. I have a wide range of dishes I can make, and whenever I cook for people outside my family, they always go out of their way to tell me how much they enjoyed the meal—pretty much regardless of what it is. I even know a chef who currently runs a kitchen, and he’s told me I have “serious chops,” especially for a home cook.

My family, on the other hand, is used to my cooking, and I think they take it for granted. I don’t think they realize that not everyone cooks like this. Honestly, the hardest part for me isn’t making the food—it’s deciding what to make. Every day, I ask my family, “What do you guys want? Is there anything specific I can make for you?”

Tonight, my wife suggested chicken noodle soup. Easy enough. Then she said, “Or maybe chicken and rice soup.” That got my mind going. I decided to make a creamy chicken and wild rice soup, thickened with a béchamel sauce to give it a rich, velvety texture.

About 1 hour and 45 minutes later, the soup turned out amazing. Like, really freaking good—and I’m my own worst critic. I let the family know that dinner was ready.

No teenagers came out of their rooms. My wife was just hanging out, watching TV. So, I figured I’d finish cleaning up the last few things I hadn’t gotten to while cooking, so the kitchen would be ready to go.

By the time I was done, my wife finally wandered in and got a bowl of soup. Without even tasting it, she immediately reached for the cayenne pepper and started shaking it into her bowl.

All I said was, “Hey, what are you doing? You haven’t even tasted it yet.”

She got pissed and just walked off.

So, AITA for asking my wife to at least try the food as it’s presented before dumping cayenne into it?

The internet had plenty of things to say about the dynamic.

crankylex wrote:

YTA. It's so weirdly controlling to be upset about people seasoning the food they are about to eat to their own taste. Let people enjoy food the way they want, not the way you want them to.

OP responded:

Not trying to dictate control or anything like that. Just asking them to try it first as it is before putting something else in it. Its crazy how divided people on here are about this. Thanks for understanding. Have a great day!

-p-q wrote:

Sorry but YTA. I say this because I was once the same AH, and now looking back I can’t believe I took offense to people putting salt or pepper or whatever before tasting. It sounds like you’re channeling your resentment for other issues - like the family not showing appreciation for all you do - into the seasonings.

You show your love by cooking, and when they aren’t excited about a meal, you don’t feel like you’re loved back. But food isn't a love language for everyone. They’re AHs too, for not being polite; but not for wanting a little heat.

sarella93 wrote:

Edit: the comments show YTA. You resent your wife and choose to pick this fight to let her know how much you dislike her.

Original comment: Gonna have to say NAH. I get that you want her to try first, but I am pretty sure it is not the first time for her to eat your food.

So I am pretty sure she knows the way you season and it seems like she just likes food more peppery. She was not mean about it and she didn’t ruin the dish. However the way you talk about her, it seems like there is a way bigger issue here. You seem really upset in general with her. Also her reaction shows, that this is not the first time this discussion has happened.

Ornery-Debt4416 wrote:

I definitely don’t think you’re an asshole at all. I understand exactly what that’s like, I’m a chef and worse has happened.

With that being said, people that like spicy food want everything spicy. Even if she loves it, she would love it even more if it was spicy.

Comfortable-One8520 wrote:

NTA but I'd just throw some box macaroni in the microwave for the family and take my nice leftover soup to work for lunch the next day. You're casting pearls before swine. You haven't mentioned very small children or people with no arms living in your household. If they complain, they can cook their own meals.

OP responded:

Yea trust me I hear you and I have gone on strike as I call it before. I cant respond to every post but I saw yours and felt it. smh I just know there are probably a million ppl out there that would love to have a home cooked meal yet my family doesn't get any of that aspect. btw 20 year relationship we are talking about here so just like walking away from it is not exactly feasible.

ItsMalarkey wrote:

Soft YTA, only because you sound incredibly dramatic, waiting around for everyone to fawn over your soup....and controlling over how they enjoy it. Almost sounds like you resent them. If teenagers had sprinted out of their rooms and wife had marched in to get a bowl, sprinkling salt and pepper on it before gobbling it up and praising you endlessly -- would you still be upset?

OP responded:

You are probably right in that my tone might have come off abrasive or passive aggressive and I know you are 100% right about the communication. Reading threw the comments is wild.

Some paint me as a monster, a control freak, and someone who is just trying cook for the family. If I come off as abrasive or passive aggressive its not the intention but more probably of a reflection of frustration given I have been doing this since before my kids were even eating solid food. To be honest I am not even sure why I decided to post this thing.

I am not looking for anything other then respect from my family and appreciation from them regarding what I do. I hope that is not asking to much in today's society. Hope you have a great day.. I think I am going to drop off this whole thing because regardless of what anyone has to say on here I am and will remain a positive person and try to give my family all the love I can. TTYL OP.

Shelwood46 wrote:

NAH, you can be annoyed but also you don't get to control how she wants her food. She's accustomed to your cooking, and that soup sound good but pretty bland. People are allowed to add seasoning or condiments to the food they plan to eat.

No, they don't have to taste it first. It's their food once it is on their plate or bowl. Sorry. It sounds like your wife likes spicier food then your baseline, so get over it. She didn't ask you to change the main dish.

BoBoJoJo3417 wrote:

YTA. Home cook here, and also my own worst critic. And I get the pride when something turns out just as you hoped. She's an adult, and your comment is one for children. Her taste buds have developed. She likes what she likes.

And she deserves to like what she likes. Because her taste buds have developed, even if she hadn't pre-seasoned, her tasting experience would not be the same as yours. Also, you took an hour and a half to make what should be a 45 minute soup. She may have had some hanger kicking in.

PhysicsTeachMom wrote:

NAH. But people have different tastes. I’m a classically trained chef. I spend hours each day cooking for my family now that I no longer work. And hubby and my college-aged kid put hot sauce on everything. Without even trying it. They have taste buds that crave something different (not hubby’s kid so not genetic lol).

I swear my kid could do the one chip challenge and ask for more. I’m a great cook and don’t take it as a reflection on my cooking. Rather their poor tastebuds. I kind of feel sorry for them. They aren’t able to experience all of the subtle nuances in different foods. But rather need the heat to be able to enjoy food.

OP responded:

OP here. yea the flavors were so nicely layered with that buttery creamy kick coming in at the end. SMH You understand. I understand. If I wanted it to be spicy I would have taken it that direction with a chicken tortilla soup or even a chicken green chili.

I WAS planning doing birria tomorrow and already got a nice chuck roast for that meal. I think that might just end up in the deep freeze until next week.

Sources: Reddit
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