'AITA for asking someone if they're still a therapist, and to consider a different career path?'

"AITA for asking someone if they're still a therapist and telling them to consider a different career path?"

I (24F) posted a picture of my husband (25M) enjoying a chocolate milkshake after he had a surgery to put in a port. He hasn't had much of an appetite for weeks so him just having a milkshake was SO exciting to me.

Well, a former family friend "Cathy" (in her 60s) had an opinion about that. She sent me a long text about being more considerate with what I share and that people won't appreciate seeing us "splurging on expensive sugary and fatty" milkshakes after we asked for some help earlier this week.

Yes, it's true that we made a small meal train to help us get through this week. That's the only help we asked for. Not a dime, just some comfort meals and prayers.

We went back and forth a bit.

She then went on this rant about how she never asked for help when her house flooded... as if that's at all comparable to my husband starting cancer treatment. I shouldn't have kept responding to her and should have just blocked her immediately, but I didn't, and at some point I asked her if she was still a therapist, which she claimed was a "personal attack."

I told her to consider a different career path and to remove herself from our lives. She said I was an AH for responding that way to her "sharing her concerns." Did I go a little too far and become an asshole by questioning her career?

ETA: Meal trains have been done multiple times in our friend group. New baby, surgery, moving, usually someone starts a week-long meal train and my husband and I have had the honor of cooking for some of our friends. :)

I also don’t want to belittle the fact that it costs time and money to cook for others. What I was trying to tell Cathy was that not a penny of money that wasn’t ours went toward the milkshake. :)

The commenters had so much to say in response.

TemptingPenguin369 wrote:

I'm sorry what you're going through with your husband's health. If a milkshake is considered a splurge for someone who is undergoing cancer treatment, that's a terrible attitude. But if a meal train means people either cooked or bought you food, don't denigrate it by saying you didn't ask for a dime, because people did spend money to feed you.

OP responded:

I said it that way because Cathy seems to think our meal train was also a request for monetary donations, which it wasn’t. The friends who have cooked for us have been doted with appreciation, and some of them we’ve also cooked for in the past, it’s how our friend circle operates.

New babies, surgeries, moving, etc. usually someone starts a meal train. :)

But no one’s money but our own went toward the $3 milkshake. That’s what I meant to convey.

savinathewhite wrote:

NTA. Your husband has cancer, if he wants a d-mn milkshake, he can have one. She can keep her judgey opinions to herself - I’d have been far less polite responding to such nonsense. There isn’t much I can say, except I hope all goes as well as it can, and hope you can ignore anyone that doesn’t have the maturity and grace to be kind to cancer patients.

Mobile_Following_198 wrote:

NTA. She should consider another career. What an awful person.

ETA: She couldn't even know that you bought the milkshake. Someone else could have bought it for your husband for all she knew, and she still decided to stick her nose out in judgment.

Easy_Comedian147 wrote:

NTA. Wow...Cathy really needs to learn her place. It very much sounds like a person trying to insert themselves into a situation that has nothing to do with them because they've learned to be entitled to that. Her situation might feel like the worst thing someone's ever been through because SHE'S experiencing that.

But any good therapist would know that's how most people feel about their troubles. She's incredibly unprofessional and you hadn't even employed her. If she contacts you again I'd repeat that last part with a part if not contacting you. I'm sorry you and your husband have been dealing with a lot amd I wish you all the best.

NoSalamander7749 wrote:

Yeah NTA at all. A milkshake is hardly a big splurge even for a fancier one. I think the meal train isn't quite so much about the money for food and more about the time/energy it takes to meal plan and then cook.

Cathy was not sharing her concerns. She was berating you over something that is, frankly, incredibly f-king stupid.

I remember how excruciatingly, heartbreakingly difficult it was to get my mom to eat around the time she got her port.

Sadly her cancer had already progressed too far, but one of the absolute best memories my husband and I have of her last couple of months was when she was explaining how good a Taco Bell taco had tasted to her when she ate it. (She was a very typical "almond mom" and barely ever chose food she really enjoyed.)

The nutritionist told her that whatever food she could eat, was the best thing for her to eat. I really connect to the joy you describe feeling when your husband had that milkshake. Cathy was fully in the wrong, speaking WAY out of line, and that was a boss response to her. Very best of luck and good health to you and your husband. He should have as many milkshakes as he wants.

Xiaosi wrote:

As an oncology nurse who has spent so much time over the years encouraging patients to have milkshakes, ice cream or any damn thing they fancy just to get some calories into them (and celebrated with their families when they managed even a mouthful of it), I’d very much like to go and give Cathy and entire meal train of dirty socks in her stupid mouth. NTA.