'AITA for banning my fiancé’s family from my wedding after they cause FB drama?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITA for banning my fiancé’s family from my wedding?"

So a little background that will make sense later, I was a victim of SA regarding to a burglary I suffered when I was nine years old and since then have formed PTSD.

This all started when my BF (21yr male) told me that his friend (male) was outside our house at 2AM. I told him that if he's back quick then I would leave my door unlocked, and if he was gone for a while I'm locking my door (because leaving it unlocked triggers my PTSD). To make a long story short he was gone for four hours and so I locked my door and went to sleep.

(Meanwhile I never received a call nor was there a knock on the door after). The next day when I realized he still wasn't home I had found out he was at his mothers house all night. Then I see people messaging me about the whole thing and look on FB. Sure enough his mom posted about me and locking him out.

(The only other time he was locked out was when I was in a really deep sleep from my medicine and couldn't wake up) I talked to him personally and me and him discussed it to which he UNDERSTOOD why the door was locked and he said he didn't even check to see if it was locked he just left (keep that in mind).

I personally decided to let the issue go despite his mom's post and went on with my day. Until his sisters among his moms FB friends kept har-ssing me in text messages. I told his mom she could have texted me privately and not posted a status on FB. My grandmother saw the post on FB and messaged her as well and asked her to take it down and let us (me and my fiancé) handle it.

She thought she was talking to his mom and later found out she was talking to one of his sisters (for privacy I'll call her sister Amy, 18 F) sister Amy just tried to argue with my grandmother and then ultimately said she would whoop my grandmother's @--. Afterward, I saw the messages and thought it through.

(After arguing with sister Amy and sister Beth, 26? F) to which I was called "money hungry" (even though my place is in MY NAME, and he doesn't wants me to work but focus on school) I decided to not have them attend my wedding in two months.

Due to the fact my grandmother was thre-tened as well as my fiancé hasn't even put a dime into the wedding yet (due to his mom's circumstances and helping her which is what he should be doing) I've been spending all of my hard earned saved money on the wedding.

Which brings me to the question AITA? If the yes out weighs the nos I'll reflect and this will just be a rant. But if not, what do you suggest I should do from your POV?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Peacemkr45 wrote:

Why are you even considering marrying the guy? You marry and you will be joining HIS FAMILY. Call it off for now.

OP responded:

Literally I have had no problem with his family until now. We are marrying out of love and a long friendship. And I personally feel like it’s none of his families concern if we do or don’t get married. They blew this out of proportion in my eyes🤷🏽‍♀️

Practical-Yard7976 wrote:

Where is your fiancé in all of this? He ran to his mom’s house but has he defended you to his family since?

OP responded:

He made a message about it and they are still in the comments making the situations worse. They are doing a whole bunch of b-llying and attacking still.

Disastrous_photo_388 wrote:

OP, I married at your age. Thought I was in love and the people around us didn’t understand how special and amazing our connection was. Based on your post, you’re the one carrying this household while your fiancée takes care of his mommy. You will be a very different person in 5 years, and again in 10.

Don’t spend the next decade of your life tying yourself down to this hot mess and then trying to untangle yourself from it. Your boyfriend needs to grow up and learn to prioritize anyone he has chosen to be his wife and you need to develop the life perspective that you deserve so much better and won’t settle for an ounce less that that

OP responded:

Thank you.

FitzDesign wrote:

OP you say you are marrying out of love and friendship but nowhere do you say that your fiancé has defended you from his family. Now you may have left that out but frankly it doesn’t seem like the kind of major aspect of the story that would be left out.

It seems like he ran home to his mom and she and her side started after you. I urge you to read some of the horrible MIL stories online as this has the makings of one.

They called you out, harassed you and threatened your grandmother while your fiancé has stood by and said and done nothing. Ummm why exactly are you getting involved with this family? Again you say for love and friendship? Where was the love and friendship from your fiancé when the flying monkeys started their attacks?

You have a legitimate reason to lock the door and if he can or isn’t willing to understand that, then you have a major problem. Sounds like you are marrying a mamas boy and that never ends well. Step back and reflect on this and any other incidents and ask yourself if you are making a mistake. NTA.

Three weeks later, OP shared an update.

So I had a lot of questions from my previous post and have decided to wait a while to update. Just so I could see how everything played out. Fiancé does have another key and hasn’t made the same mistake thank god.

Fiancé is also now helping financially with the wedding now as he isn’t helping his mother anymore (we’ll talk about that here in a second). And we are planning on getting married still next month. His sisters have had a change of heart (some of them), except the one who threatened my grandmother, we don’t speak to her.

And I didn’t ban them from the wedding but I did expect apologies from them in order for them to come and there wouldn’t be any issues. Now as to recent events…me and my fiancé just found out that my mother in law has decided to file lawsuits against all of her children except (the one who made threats).

A couple of weeks ago my fiancé was dealing with my MIL saying things about me even though everyone else involved moved past it. So me and her offered to meet and discuss the issue but as expected that day she canceled saying her bf (bf she started dating when the first issue happened) had to work.

A couple days later two of fiancés sisters had messaged my fiancé saying that my MIL had went on a rampage and had said awful things to them and my step daughter’s mother over them not being comfortable with her new bf being around my step daughter.

Now that you’re all caught up she filed lawsuits on all of them. I’m sure it’s gonna be my fiancé added with them. She wants custody of stepdaughter amongst other lawsuits involving kicking out one of her handicap daughters from a house (she bought with her ex-husband who died) she willingly gave up in February.

So now my MIL has ruined that day for my fiancé by these lawsuits and none of his family think they will be able to come to the wedding. My opinions on both situations are that her new bf is most definitely the sole core of all these issues.

Not to mention there’s been allegations against him he claims aren’t true. We don’t know what to believe on that part but me and fiancé are making a lot of changes. He’s been distancing himself from his mom because of this. He has very much matured and seen the situation for what it was. And he has also learned a lot from listening to others perspectives on this.

The comments kept coming in.

KelsarLabs wrote:

Damn. I hope y'all are backing up his ex wife against his mom. This is insane.

OP responded:

Although there’s been issues with us and his daughter's mom we have all agreed not to have her around MIL's BFand MIL keeps throwing tantrums about it and now she’s taking our daughters mom to court for it. I think it’s dumb because why is she pushing so hard over our daughter when she had a whole grandson she’s barely attentive too.

It’s just really weird and now she’s not able to see any of her grandkids due to this situation. it’s sad, but she needs to learn boundaries. I didn’t even mention the fact, we asked her not to invite her boyfriend to the wedding and she RSVPed for her boyfriend to be there despite being told five times he’s not invited

One of the sisters is for the house, I’m not sure about the other sister, and our daughter’s mom she’s suing for custody of our daughter. Because we took away her right to see our daughter because of the boyfriend.

Popular_Toe4248 wrote:

Honestly, it sounds like a mess. If your fiancé's family can't respect your boundaries, you're better off without them at the wedding.

Economy_Rutabaga9450 wrote:

I think the wedding will be much better by not having MIL & BF, and sister at wedding. Security to keep them out might be a good idea.

Good luck.

bobbyboblawblaw wrote:

Are you sure you want to marry into this mess? This is going to be every day of the rest of your life if you do. I know you love your fiancé, but you are never going to be free of this drama.

OP responded:

Me and fiancé talked and were both stepping away from his family. I personally don’t feel comfortable having my MIL involved in the children’s life because the situation with her bf is just too weird.