'AITA for being frustrated that my roomie said 'I don't want anyone to drink tonight' and went to his room?'
"AITA for being frustrated that my roommate last minute said 'umm I don't want anyone to drink tonight' and then angrily went to his room?"
So I have a roommate who doesn't like alcohol much, which is fine I'm not peer pressuring him to drink or whatever. What frustrated me though is that he pushes his discomfort for alcohol on everyone else. Yesterday, my other roommates and I planned that we would have vodka crans and watch a movie.
After I asked my other roommate (who would be drinking) if they would like one now, this one says "uhm, actually I've been around alcohol all day and I don't really want to smell or be around it at all." This disappointed me and frustrated me, cause everyone else had planned this out and were ready. It's not like we were getting blackout drunk either, just a couple drinks and a movie.
Originally, I was going to oblige, but I did say under my breath something like "well, if it bothers you, you can go to you room and vibe there." I don't know if he heard me, but he got up then and stormed to his room. He works at a bar and grill, so in terms of the smell and being around it all day, I don't know what he expected.
Later, he come out to use the restroom and just said "next time, warn me please," followed by assuming that we weren't going to oblige him at all by saying "well earlier, you all weren't really listening to me." So AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Runns_withscissors wrote:
ESH. You guys need to communicate better. You say "everyone else had already planned this out and were ready," but it sounds like this roommate didn't know of any plans. Bring this up at a time when nobody's drinking and you're both calm. Discuss it, and see if you can come to some sort of resolution.
What's your roommate's real issue? Maybe you guys get drunker than you think you do? Maybe you're loud? I can understand why that a bartender would get tired of being around alcohol and people who were drinking, but all of you have a right to enjoy your space.
RB1327 wrote:
"Later, he come out to use the restroom and just said "next time, warn me please,"
Sounds like both of you are dancing around the issue here. It's likely not the "smell" of alcohol that he's objecting to, it's "being around people drinking."
--->How all you roommates navigate that incompatibility in shared spaces is something to actually discuss. Flippant under-your-breath remarks don't count. And your title doesn't match your post details in terms of what he actually said. ESH, Everyone Sucks Here.
Any_dragonfruit4130 wrote:
NTA. Most adults who can handle their liquor don’t have a problem. You have absolutely have the right to drink in your home,even if he doesn’t like it. Tell the moody child to go to his room. If he continues to be a pain, I would start complaining about something he enjoys. Give him a taste of his own medicine.
Monarch5142 wrote:
NTA overall but say what you mean with your chest, don't mutter under your breath in the future. Your roommate however is being a childish brat. If he's so bothered by alcohol why does he work around it?
He can't have it both ways either its a problem and he cant be around it or it's not. Your roommate has no right to dictate how you spend your leisure time and this behavior comes off to me controlling, creepy, and manipulative.
artemizarte wrote:
I would love to hear the roommate's version. I'm wondering if:
"uhm, actually I've been around alcohol all day and I don't really want to smell or be around it at all."
Is more about being around people being rowdier or less aware of their surroundings and him being sick of dealing with that all day; then coming back to more of the same, specially without a heads up.
What I'm saying is that we don't know how OP and OP's friends act after the vodka cranberries. So my judgement would depend on more INFO about how the participants in the story hold their alcohol.
Puzzled-cucumber5386 wrote:
YTA because you were being passive/aggressive. If you have something to say then say it. Don’t mumble under your breath. You don’t sound mature enough to be drinking tbh.
Shoddy_Nectarine_441 wrote:
NTA. In a shared living situation you have to deal with some things you don’t like. You’re not getting black out, spilling, waving it in his face etc.
You should NOT have obliged. You should have continued with your plan.
What he should have said was “hey I didn’t know you guys planned to drink tonight, do you think next time you could give me a heads up? I’m just going to hang out in my room because I’m overwhelmed with the smell and just want to escape.”
That’s a valid request. Getting all pissy because you don’t conform to his wishes, is childish. If he hated mushrooms and you cooked with mushrooms would you think the anger is valid? Cuz it isn’t.
Numbonthedunny wrote:
Eeeeh. YTA because he declined a drink but still seemed like they were willing to hang out until you got huffy about them not wanting to drink. I’m not a huge drinker and would happily chill with drinkers, but if someone was all “well, go to your room if you don’t want to” when I declined then it gives a clear message I’m not invited unless I’m drinking.
druidays wrote:
ESH. You could be more empathetic or caring about what your roommate needs. If you have them a heads up they could choose whether it would work for them to be around the house at that time. They could be more flexible in the face of last minute plans involving alcohol.
I live with roommates (actually I live in a polyamorous quad) and one of the four of us doesn’t drink. We don’t drink at home because everyone deserves to feel safe and comfortable at home. Vodka crans aren’t more important than the comfort of someone I live with.