'AITA for being hurt about my boyfriend’s Halloween costume with a coworker?'
"AITA for being hurt about my boyfriend’s Halloween costume with a coworker?"
I (F22) & my boyfriend (M23) have been dating for 3 years. We met in college, & after 2 years decided to move in together until we both graduated, that was until he had to have surgery after he graduated with his bachelors in the spring & decided not to get his masters.
I still have a few semesters left, so when he (let’s call him Matt) decided to begin the job search, and got offered a job out of the state in Illinois, I decided to finish my degree at the college I was at and not move with him until I was finished with school (our school is in Kentucky.) The reason being is I don’t want to change my life that drastically for someone I’m not either engaged or married too, & he fully understood and accepts this.
It has been three months since Matt & I’s long distance started & going from living together to seeing each other in between my school & his work/work trips has been challenging.
Matt has never given me any reason to worry about cheating, and I don’t think he ever would. His coworkers are mainly women, but that doesn’t concern me considering it has never been a problem in our relationship; plus people who cheat wouldn’t be as honest about his coworkers as he has been.
So to the costume. Halloween is my favorite holidays, I have always loved coming up with cool elaborate costumes you can’t buy in stores & Matt & I have always done a costume together although he isn’t fond of costumes in general, but he does it for me because he knows how much is means to me.
This year we just weren’t able to be together for Halloween to do a costume. But the day before the 31st he called me after work and told me that everyone is dressing up at work in costumes, and that him and a female coworker would be going as Travis Kelce & Taylor Swift.
I don’t know why but I was so hurt I couldn’t talk for the rest of the phone call. Out of all of the costumes, they chose an actual couples costume? He can’t understand why this is a big deal and then told me it’s a contest for money, only after I expressed my feelings.
I never asked him to not do the costume, but to understand why I may be upset. He is now expressing that I don’t have trust in him and brings up how I have male friends I hangout with in group settings but that he has always had trust in our relationship.
He is angry & dismissive, but he said this isn’t a hill either of us should die on, and I agree. But I just have a pit in my stomach about the situation & how Matt responded. His coworker lives with her fiancé and so I know things could always happen, but I don’t think they ever would. I just don’t know why this is affecting me so much. Or if I have any reason to feel the way I do. So AITA?
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
Feeling_Gap_8096 said:
"People who cheat wouldn't be so honest about"...My ex-partner confided in me about his dad and how, when he cheated on his mother, she was "destroyed" "heartbroken" "traumatized" and hence he wouldn't ever put anyone through that because "I saw what it did to my mum." I found out he was cheating on me, when I was pregnant, he was sleeping with multiple women. Cheaters appear "honest" - it's all part of their deception.
cfullylove said:
A group costume at work is one thing…choosing to dress as a romantic couple with someone else is sus.
Churchie-Baby said:
NTA why would you want to do a couples costume with a work colleague when they're in a relationship it's cringey af.
JaminIt_ said:
NTA. Anyone with a shred of conscience towards their partner would understand this is a big no no. Costumes that relate - fine. Costumes that are literally partners or characters/ people with a romantic/ sexual dynamic - not okay at all.
_yzl_9ghdfghfd said:
It is understandable to feel a bit off when your partner plans to wear a couple's costume with someone else; Trust is crucial but discussing your feelings with your boyfriend might help both of you see things from each other's point of view!