'AITA for being ungrateful to my SIL after she threw us our gender reveal?'

"AITAH for being 'ungrateful' to my SIL after she threw us our gender reveal?"

I (30F) and husband (32M) have been trying for a baby for 8 years now. After 3 failed IVFs, 2 miscarriages and MANY doctor’s appointments later, we are finally pregnant with our rainbow baby. We are so grateful yet cautiously optimistic.

I have always been super close to my in-laws and have never had any issues with them, in fact they have been like a second family to me. Especially my SIL (35F). She has been there for us through this infertility journey more than anyone else we know. And, as you can imagine, has been wanting to celebrate this time with us.

She begged us to do the gender reveal and we told her several times that we want to keep it intimate and just immediate family. We weren’t ready to announce our news to anyone just yet because I suffer from anxiety and ptsd from our previous losses.

Our gender reveal day came and despite our clear requests for it to be JUST FAMILY, she invited some of her friends, and friends of the family and her husband’s family. I was visibly upset and tried to hold it together until after the gender reveal to cry it out because I didn’t want to cause a scene. I felt like I couldn’t even enjoy my own gender reveal.

I told my husband the way I felt and he agreed that we should confront her about it. When we did, she took it very personally and felt we were being “ungrateful and unfair.” She said she had put a lot of thought into our gender reveal and just wanted us to feel celebrated after all these years.

She thought “the more people the merrier.” I told her we are grateful it’s just that we had only one request that she completely disregarded and that she has to understand how this could have upset us. But she insisted that we were being “too much” and even “rude” for “coming at her” instead of “thanking her." So AITAH for being “unappreciative” and upset or is she for not respecting my boundaries?

The internet had plenty to say about the situation.

Professional_Ruin953 wrote:

Grateful for what? Her throwing a party that she wanted to host, on her terms, the way she wanted to have it, and pretending it was a party for you, while disregarding your expressed wishes?

Including her friends on the guest list is a key indicator this is exactly what her motives were, because her friends weren’t there to support the expecting parents, they were there to provide kudos feedback to SIL. Nope, you don’t have to be grateful for someone using you as a tool for their personal objectives. NTA.

EmpressLadyDi wrote:

NTA. I can't even understand how people disregard the only request. It's like... You had one job! Especially in your situation! I'm so sorry she did that. No, you are not ungrateful, you are rightfully sad, disappointed, pissed... She was inconsiderate and kinda selfish (at event that is not about her!)!

Sea_Violinist_3486 wrote:

NTA.

Why the hell did she invited HER friends?

What's wrong with her?

cascadia1979 wrote:

NTA. She is extremely disrespectful to you and your husband. She’s making it all about her. I wonder if she’s jealous of you in a way, feeling like she should always be the center of attention but you tend to be as a result of your challenges in trying to conceive, not that you want to be. She likely volunteered to throw a gender reveal party in order to be at its center and to bask in the glow of the event.

It was really her party for herself with you as the excuse. So your wants and needs didn’t matter to her. She is an enormous AH and you may want to go no contact with her at least until you have a successful delivery. I wish you and your husband the best.